Accountable Process

New and Improved!

2010-11-27T13:36:00.000-08:00

Well HI there my lovelies! It has been quite a while since I've posted.

Let's see:

1. got married
2. got to have my dad there (he was touch and go for a while but he's great now!)
3. been auditioning
4. been working out like crazy
5. started a new business.

Say what?

Yes. I am now an Independent Beach Body coach. A decision I did NOT come to lightly.

I was working at small, boutique gym in the back office. It was a great part-time job dealing with reports and retention and all that. But my boss was a bit of an OCD psycho and I just couldn't deal with him anymore. He, essentially, forced me to quit. Long story, but it's true!

So, to say the least I was frustrated. I talked to a friend of mine and she had just signed on to be a coach. I've been approached by people before. Never did I want to take the plunge because, well, I just wasn't committed. Now, with no job and sick of staring at the Craigs List wall, I decided today was the day to just jump in and try it. If it works, GREAT. If not. Oh well, at least I tried.

My friend told me that until the end of the year, to sign up as a coach is, essentially, free. Well, this clinched it for me.

I'm definitely interested in trying something for free, right? :)

Also, Beach Body is the company that has P90X! And those of you who know me, know I did all 3 months of that crazy workout. THEN I did Insanity. And now I'm doing ChaLEAN Extreme!

Oh yes, people. OH. YES.

So I figured I'm working for a company I 100% believe in! Why not get discounts and freebies and share my experience with other people looking for the same life change I got! So yeah. Yay me!

How are you? Did the Thanksgiving world kick your butt? It sort of did for me, but I did workout yesterday and today (and plan to tomorrow too!).

xoxoxo
Ali

www.beachbodycoach.com/aligoodman

Day 103 - Gifts and Saying Goodbye

2010-03-08T15:02:00.000-08:00

Thursday, March 4, 2010

So today was a crazy day! Mom and I met to accomplish a couple of things wedding-wise:

1. check out bridesmaids gifts
2. check out gifts for hostesses giving the shower
3. check out flower girl gifts
4. go to the jeweler to design my wedding band

Before that, I got a call from my agent (YES!) to come in for a voice over audition. Mom and I walked from her place to Starbuck's where she waited while I went in for my audition. After it was over, we headed to find some gifts!

We were VERY successful! Here's how it played out:

1. found shower gifts
2. found bridesmaids gifts (just have 3 more to pick up from another store)
3. found groomsmen gifts
4. found flower girls gifts
5. found me a rehearsal dinner dress
6. found me a shower dress
7. planned a 2nd day with jeweler so Jon could get fitted too

All in all a very successful wedding-planning day!

Our friend Gene is leaving Chicago tomorrow. We're sad! Unfortunately he just could NOT find a job while here. It's been so tough watching so many people struggle with money and being jobless. He's headed back to Maine to save some money so he can come back to Chicago for our wedding! I have high hopes for him. He's a great guy!

We had a fun dinner with him and toasted him a good farewell. We are driving him to his train tomorrow evening. Sigh.

Calories Consumed: 1241

Workout: NONE

Day 102 - Yay for money and Yay for auditions!

2010-03-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

So today was a work day at Jon Wolter's office. I've been trying to temp in between all the craziness I have going on otherwise. I actually LIKE going into work at Jon Wolter's office. We often barely deal with each other, but everyone is really nice and truly respectful. It's a good environment to hang out in. Plus, I think they like me. I'm certainly their first "go to" person. That always feels good!

While at work, I got a call from my agent to come in for a voice over audition. I cleared it with work and off I went for an audition!

I LOVE THIS BUSINESS. Seriously, it's fantastic getting called in for stuff. I love the agency. I'm eager to book something so they decide to keep me on! I love that I can just jump at a moment's notice into the office, spend 5 minutes there going over the copy, go in and record, and be out of there! It's great!

On the way back, the CTA buses were running sloooowwww! I finally got back and finished the day up. It was a good day all-around.

No workout today, but I'm thinking I might be getting slightly bored with my routine...may need to switch it up soon!

Calories Consumed: 960

Workout: NONE

Day 101 - Mom's Dress and The Biggest Loser returns

2010-03-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

So today my mom and I headed up to Highland Park. I had to meet with Carrie (my sister-in-law) about our business and we also had a few wedding goals to accomplish:

1. solidify the invitations
2. find mom a dress

Invites went GREAT! Jon and I worked on the response card-wording and are happy with our creative results. The other stuff looked excellent so we are good to go!

Mom's dress. Well, as luck would have it, we went back to the same place mom purchased her dress for my last wedding-that-shall-not-be-named. (It never happened. 2 months before it was cancelled!) Mom LOVED that last dress. It fit her perfectly. It was MADE to fit her. She looked stunning and felt stunning. She didn't keep the dress (it was in purple) because she didn't want to wear it to anything else. She was really sad to see it go. Mom also hates to shop so this experience would prove not fantastic to begin with unless we hit it out of the park on our first at bat.

Funny enough, when we were looking for MY dress we went to 5 different places. I really liked one dress (but I didn't LOVE it) but it was really out of my price range. I could have talked my father into it, but I really didn't love it. Then we finally bit the bullet and went to the place where I got my last dress. I was leery about going back to the same place. Felt like a bad idea or whatever, but, lo and behold I found THE dress. I LOVE my dress! I LOVE MY DRESS. And I was thrilled we'd decided to look fear in the face and go back there.

Mom took no chances and decided to hit the same place. And after trying on about 11 dresses with NOTHING that came even close to a possibility, we decided we'd go somewhere else. Mom got dressed and had a conversation with the sales person about the last dress she had and how much she loved how it fit. The lady went in the back and pulled out a dress that looked amazing. Mom tried it on and it was perfect...just a size too small and in the wrong color! They looked at the swatches of fabric and realized it could be made in the color we needed and made to her measurements! PERFECT!

Also? It turns out, THIS dress is made by the same designer as the LAST dress Mom fell in love with! So it all works out in the end!

So excited to see it on her when it's in the correct color and cut to fit her! :)

Tonight, THE BIGGEST LOSER Season 9 returned (it's been on hiatus for The Olympics) and I'm so excited! It's such a motivator to work out when watching that show!

What shows get you moving/motivated?

Calories Consumed: 937

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   45 minutes run/jog
   8 minutes cool down

   Strength Training:
   125 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   1 set Pilates 100
   50 toe reaches (alternating)

Day 100 - Water bottle hazard and The Paper Source

2010-03-08T13:40:00.000-08:00

Monday, March 1, 2010

So today Sari and I had rehearsal for the concert. I got there on time and was waiting for her and her brother-in-law to show up. She finally texted me to say she'd been in a car accident!

She was rear-ended by a girl whose water bottle rolled under her break pedal and so she couldn't stop!

How scary! Thankfully everyone was ok. Sari banged her head but her car was ok. The other girl's car was pretty banged up.

It was freaky waiting for her to get there. I just wanted to hug her and know she was alright!

Once the police came and everything got sorted out, we actually did get to rehearse. It was fun! We staged the show (choreography and all) and really had a lot of fun with it. It's going to be an awesome show. :)

Later on, I had to meet my Mom and my recently married cousin, Jamie, at the Paper Source to look at paper for booklets for the wedding.

Umm...I have a small love affair with The Paper Source. I adore that place. All these fun crafty projects with lots of creative ideas! I just wanna spend tons of time in there touching all the pretty cards and ribbon and textures.

So we got what we needed and then headed out to get a coffee at Starbucks. Mom treated and we had a great talk. Sometimes I just love those moments where you spontaneously get to spend time with people you wouldn't normally get to spend time with. It was such a nice 30 minutes. :)

What are some pleasant/surprise moments you get throughout your day?

Calories Consumed: 927

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   42 minutes run/kicks/punches
   8 minutes cool down

   Strength Training:
   60 back rows (resistance bands)
   60 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)
   50 biceps (10 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps  (10 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies  (10 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press  (10 lbs each hand)

Day 99 - Rehearsal and Super Sari

2010-03-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 28, 2010

So today I had to go down to the Harold Washington Library and meet up with Sari for rehearsal. We are rehearsing for a fantastically fun one-night only event to help fundraise money for a synagogue in Evanston, IL.

Sari is amazing! We met at Roosevelt University and totally "get" each other. She was my saviour when I lived in NYC for a month and went to auditions with me and we did Bikram yoga together. She rocks!

Her brother-in-law is a Cantor at this synagogue in Evanston and they are performing an evening of celebration of a famous Cantor named Moyshe Oysher. No joke. There is a song he performed with the famous Barry Sisters and they needed another voice for the song. Sari called me! I'm so excited to do this fun little project for a good cause. Or, as we say in the Jewish faith....a Mitzvah. (good deed)

So Sari and I met to run through the harmonies and just get an all-around sense of stuff. It was a great rehearsal.

I always feel refreshed and happy once I've spent time with Sari. She truly is a positive force in my life. When people tell you to surround yourself with positive people, Sari is a perfect example of one of them.

Grateful for my wonderful friends and supporters. :)

Who supports you in your life?

Calories Consumed: 906

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   35 minutes run

Day 95 - Frustrations with Dr's Office and UP

2010-03-03T18:01:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 27, 2010

So today started off not well. I had an appointment to see my gynecologist for my annual exam...so I thought!

I busied myself trying to get in a workout before I was supposed to be there when it dawned on me I'd never gotten a confirmation call.

The appointment was all through communication on the "patient link" online site the doctor's office has set up. You request an appointment and someone responds and lets you know what is available.

When I called to confirm my appointment this morning the office was, you guessed it, CLOSED. I went to the patient link and re-checked the appointment date and time and, sure enough, it said I had an appointment TODAY at 12:30pm.

I called back and left a very frustrated message.

I then wrote a response on the patient link saying the same things. I felt like my time was totally wasted and I scheduled my entire weekend around this appointment.

Suffice it to say I was irritated.

I did get a call back and the office apologized saying it was their mix-up. The person who responded on the patient link looked in my file and noticed I had an appointment on February 27th at 12:30pm.

In 2009.
Oy vey.

So the rescheduling began. Fingers crossed this goes well...

Tonight we headed over to my friend, Ellyn's apartment. We ordered really yummy (and fresh!) thai food and watched Pixar's UP.

I adore this film. ADORE IT! Some of the best writing for a dog I've ever heard. Hilarious. Adorable. Sad. Just all around awesome.

I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it!

Any films you recommend these days?

Calories Consumed: 1134

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   12 minutes cardio (run) -- got interrupted by gynecologist office phone call -- then had to leave

   Strength Training:
   100 reverse crunches
   100 regular crunches
   30 push ups
   1 set of Pilates 100

Day 94 - Superstitions and Weigh-in week #14

2010-02-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 26, 2010

So today was the last day of rehearsal for Senior Spotlight. I'm really looking forward to getting to work with the senior citizens in the residencies. Apparently we do sing-a-longs and work on their imaginations with theatre games and such. It sounds like a rewarding experience for us and for them.

The show is really cute and I will miss rehearsing it with everyone. As an understudy I am not called in for the shows (although I definitely plan to go see one). I just have to keep up on the script and the music in case someone gets sick and I'm needed.

I also had an audition today...

I don't usually broadcast my auditions like some people. I'm sure it's superstition or because I don't want to go through the process of explaining it if I don't get the job. It's like going on constant job interviews. People don't know what to say to you when you say you didn't get the job. They feel badly for you but it gets awkward. It's much easier to mention it later.

THEM: "Where were you yesterday when I called"?

YOU: "Oh, I was at an audition".

THEM: "Wow! What for?"

YOU: "For an agent".

THEM: "How did it go?"

YOU: "Pretty good/ok/great/awful (etc)"

THEM: "Oh, well great/you'll get 'em next time/good for you/chin up".

YOU: "Thanks"

This scenario is SO much better for me after the fact than before the fact. I really have no interest in discussing my auditions. I psych myself out of them if I talk about them too much. Afterwards, I'm all about discussing it, even if it didn't go well. I even have a sense of humor about it sometimes. :)

That being said...

I had an audition on Friday. For an agency. A good one in the city. For my voiceover.

I was really excited (and a bit nervous). I only told one person I was going in. C* at Sound Advice (the place I recorded my demo. THEY ROCK). I wanted some input on how to audition for voice over for an agent (as opposed to on-camera or theatre). Thank goodness for C*. She rocked it! She gave me great advice and told me to just go in and have a blast. Which I did. She also cautioned me not to be discouraged if I wasn't asked to work with them this time around. Often agents will call you in and then tell you to come back in 6 months. I was prepared for that.

The great thing was I really did go in and have a great time. :)

And afterwards, the agent said she'd like to try this out.

Color me SOOOO EXCITED!

Yup. So, without jinxing anything...looks like I have an agent!

I plan to continue promoting my demo to the creatives (which gets my name out, of course!)

All is happy.

Oh! I almost forgot about the weigh-in!

Things are going in the right direction. I'm down another .4 lbs!

Weight loss to date: 9.6 lbs! WOO HOO!

Go me. Good day, sunshine!

Calories Consumed: 1240

Workout: NONE

*This not working out thing is getting to be a really bad habit. Gotta fix that!

Day 93 - Matters of the Heart and Taxes

2010-02-26T15:58:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 25, 2010

So today was busy but also slightly disorienting. I've been in rehearsals to understudy for a show called Senior Spotlight for Imagination Theatre.

This work is very rewarding because we take the show to senior resident homes and work with them on imagination, sing-a-longs, etc. It really seems to help the majority of them forget about their "troubles" for a short while.

One of the other things we do is called a residency. We visit one home 12 times and work one-on-one with a group of seniors. We do exercises for their memories and their minds. We do sing-a-longs and encourage them to get a bit active and enjoy things.

I'm looking forward to the work. I'm just a little nervous.

Anyhow, we have a very short rehearsal schedule but they are beginning shows on Tuesday! Yikes! So quick. With tight harmonies and choreography (oh goodness there go my two left feet again) I just really hope neither of the people I'm understudying gets sick...or a really good paying job...right?

I came home fully expecting to get A LOT of stuff done (including working out), and was very accomplished with my to-do list...however somehow the workout just didn't happen.

I don't like that.

It's imperative that I make time for that. But I just didn't put my focus in the right places.

I guess the fact that I really wanted to do my taxes and get them DONE was weighing much more heavily on my head.

Lately, I've gotten phone calls/emails/texts from 3 friends who are dealing with matters of the heart. I want so much to make things easier on them and their sadness/frustrations. There must be something in the air.

My life-long friend, (and one of my maids of honor-to-be), called last night so upset. I sat on my bed with my receipts spread out before me and just talked it out with her. She doesn't live here so it's incredibly hard to give a full emotional hug to someone over the phone but we try. She needed it. And deserves it. I wish I could take her pain away. I know it will figure itself out. I just hate it when people I love so dearly are in pain.

Other than that, I gotta find some me/down time. It's been on-the-go for too long. I'm getting cranky.

What are some things you do to unwind??

Calories Consumed: 962

Workout: NONE

Day 92 - My crazy schedule and Avoiding sleep

2010-02-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 25, 2010

So today was filled with busy-ness. Heh. business. Busy-ness.

Yeah. I'm exhausted. I've been busting out wedding stuff, film stuff, rehearsal stuff, life stuff...I'm really wiped out!

But I can't sleep.

Well, I can but I'm sort of afraid to go to sleep.

I'm afraid of my dreams.

There. I said it. I'm afraid of my dreams.

I'm really sick of having dreams about my ex and Jon's ex. I know that a LOT of it is wedding-related. I also know that it's my body's way of working stuff out. I know, even more, that it's much easier for my brain and self to deal with THEM than deal with the other wedding frustration (read: my awful uncle) which I am subjected to dealing with and really don't want to. That situation is it's own "living nightmare".

I'd prefer to run into either one of our exes. Twice. Than deal with my uncle coming to my wedding. But that is a whole other blog story. One I'll examine as the wedding day approaches and my anxiety explodes.

Yay! Things to look forward to! :)

My friend, Debbie, is having her baby in March and I cannot believe March is around the freaking corner! Soooo close!

Ok. It's time for me to wrap up and suck it up and go to bed. I'll be no good for anyone if I don't have sleep.

I have a full list of things to do tomorrow!
TAXES are on that list... let's see if I can hop to it!

Calories Consumed: 982

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   35 minutes cardio
   (2 - 1 minute sprints; 1 - 5 minute sprint)
   8 minute cool down

Day 91 - Wedding madness and bad dreams

2010-02-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So today my mom and I spent most of the day working on wedding stuff. I think we finally got our invitations! We have one more meeting with the vendor and then we are set to go. This thing is really happening!

My heart hit my feet when they told us the invites need to go out on April 19th. Ummm, THAT'S LIKE AROUND THE CORNER! I feel like we've done NOTHING and have SOOOO much left to do before this wedding!

Breathe!!!

Anyhow, Carrie and I did some work on our home-business and then my mom and I started home from the suburbs. In traffic.

It wasn't so bad but I was really happy I had worked out this morning! It made it possible for me to not be so anxious while we were out. I don't spend the whole day just hoping I'll have enough energy to workout when I get home after whatever is going on. I love getting it done first thing!

Another reason for invitation anxiety is that at my previous non-wedding, my ex pulled his bullshit right as the invitations were hitting the calligrapher. We had to literally THROW OUT all our invitations. Today was a reality moment that this thing is really happening. And it's a WONDERFUL thing. :)

I'm sure all this ramping up to the wedding is helping my incredibly bad dreams I've been having about my ex and Jon's ex. There's so much history and drama with them. Jon's ex was supposed to be in my last wedding. It makes for some bad feelings and ugly situations. I hate that it manifests itself in my dreams. My sleep is bad enough as it is, (we need a new mattress and we need new non-meth-addicted neighbors), so these dreams are just making it worse.

I feel like this will subside once we get past the 2 month mark. Or at least when we are finally married. Right? I hope so!

Here's how today played out.

How do you deal with stressful dreams?

Calories Consumed: 1220

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   33 minutes
   (1 - 5 minute sprint)
   8 minutes cool down

   Strength Training:
   60 back rows (resistance bands)
   60 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)
   60 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand for 10; 10 lbs each hand for 50)
   60 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand for 10; 10 lbs each hand for 50)
   60 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand for 10; 10 lbs each hand for 50)
   60 chest flies (12 lbs each hand for 10; 10 lbs each hand for 50)

Day 90- All business 21 - Monday

2010-02-23T07:25:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 22, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1194

Workout: NONE

*still feel like absolute ick hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Day 89 - All business 20 - Sunday

2010-02-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1129

Workout: NONE

*exhausted. Feel run down... ugh!

Day 88 - All business 19 - Saturday

2010-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1108

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

42 minutes

(3 - 2 minute sprints; 2 - 5 minutes sprints)

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

100 reverse crunches

100 regular crunches

Day 87 - All business 18 - Friday - Weigh-in week #13

2010-02-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 19, 2010

Weigh-in - Down 1.2lbs!!!! :)

Calories Consumed: 1514

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

20 minutes

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

60 back rows (resistance bands)

60 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)

60 biceps curls (10 lbs each hand)

60 triceps curls (10 lbs each hand)

60 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)

60 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)

Day 86 - All business 17 - Thursday

2010-02-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1353

Workout:

Cardio: NONE (formally)

-- 3 hours of light dancing in rehearsal...

Strength Training:

50 push ups

100 reverse crunches

100 regular crunches

Day 85 - All business 16 - Wednesday

2010-02-22T20:39:00.001-08:00

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1092

Workout: NONE

Day 84 - All business 15 - Tuesday

2010-02-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1235

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

46 minutes

(2 - 5 minutes sprints)

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

100 reverse crunches

100 regular crunches

Day 83 - All business 14 - Monday

2010-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 15, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1137

Workout: Slim in 6 - Burn it up!!!! (59 minutes of total body workout!!)

Day 82 - All business 13 - Sunday

2010-02-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 14, 2010

VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

Calories Consumed: 1320 (approximately)

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   42 minutes
   8 minutes cool down

Day 81 - All business 12 - Saturday

2010-02-22T20:32:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1237

Workout: NONE

Day 80 - All business 11 - Friday - Weigh-in week #12

2010-02-22T20:31:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 12, 2010

Weigh-in -- back up the .4 lbs. :( (bloated like crazy!)

Calories Consumed: 917

Workout: Jillian Michael's 20 minutes workout - 30 day shred-

*TOTALLY PMSing!!! ouch!

Day 79 - All business 10 - Thursday

2010-02-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1212

Workout: NONE

*Avatar - movie

Day 78 - All business 9 - Wednesday

2010-02-22T20:27:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1137

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

41 minutes

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

150 regular crunches

150 reverse crunches

Day 77 - All business 8 - Tuesday

2010-02-22T20:24:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1044

Workout:

Cardio:

10 minutes

Strength Training:

50 back rows (resistance bands)

50 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)

50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)

50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)

50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)

2.5 minutes of lunges

Day 76 - All business 7 - Monday

2010-02-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 8, 2010

Calories Consumed: 941

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

44 minutes

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

1 set of Pilates 100

100 reverse crunches

100 regular crunches

*temp job at Lake Point Tower - 1 week, day 1

Day 77 - All business 6 - Sunday

2010-02-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1048

Workout: NONE

*filming

Day 76 - All business 5 - Saturday

2010-02-22T20:15:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Calories consumed: 1038

Workout: NONE

*filming

Day 75 - All business 4 - Friday - Weigh in week #11

2010-02-22T20:11:00.000-08:00

Friday, February 5, 2010

Weigh-in = down .4 lbs! Yay a loss!

Calories consumed: 920

Workout: NONE

*filming

Day 74 - All business 3 - Thursday

2010-02-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1105

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

43 minutes

8 minutes cool down

Strength Training:

1 set of Pilates 100

100 reverse crunches

100 regular crunches

Day 73 - All business 2 - Wednesday

2010-02-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Calories consumed: 1108

Workout: NONE

Day 72 - All Business 1 - Tuesday

2010-02-22T20:04:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Calories Consumed: 1191

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   52 minutes
   (1 - 10 minute sprint)
   8 minutes cool down

   Strength Training:
   50 back rows (resistance bands)
   50 pulsed back rows (resistance bands)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

Oh my goodness I am so way behind I can't stand it!!!

2010-02-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe how long it's been since I actually posted anything!

Life just took over and knocked me in the crazy zone.

HOWEVER: I have not fallen off the wagon or fallen in a well or anything. I have been keeping track of my workouts and my calories on paper and fully plan to post these things ASAP.

It just seems...daunting! I'm exhausted every time I even THINK about doing this blog because I'm so way way behind.

BUT: I came up with a solution. Nothing is going to get better unless I work through it.

So for the sake of time and interest, I thought back to the reason I began posting here to begin with: I wanted a place that would keep me accountable to myself.

So, the most important thing to post, for the moment, is what I did that day. The emotions are sort of fleeting but still important, but I don't necessarily remember what was bugging me that day unless I address it that day.

I will be doing a flurry of daily posts to just "get those crazy days" out of the way. I will be reflecting on things as they continue to play an emotional/recurring role in my head/in my life in future posts, for sure. It is decidedly true that there is no way I would be succeeding this much if I wasn't putting my feelings/thoughts down on "paper". I require that reflection. It keeps my brain going in the right place AND it helps me acknowledge my successes (as well as my failures or...struggles).

Look for my crazy flurry of "all business" posts which should be appearing in the next few days. After those are complete I am planning to jump head-on back into the "real" posts.

Thanks for being so supportive and awesome and reading this insanity that is my journey!

Hugs!
~Ali

Day 71 - Coffee Talk and Ab Realities

2010-02-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 1, 2010

So today was nice and somewhat uneventful.

I met with a friend for coffee. I was a bit worried about seeing her. We had a big miscommunication recently. I was hoping things would smooth over at this gathering.

It did. We had fun and a few laughs.

The biggest issue is how even though I'm not working full-time right now I'm so freaking busy. It seems confusing to people who know me when I say I'm not available. They cannot understand what could really be filling up my time.

Trust me. There is a LOT. But I will save that for another blog entry. :)

Suffice it to say I am very happy things went well with this friend, and I am hoping things go just as well with Lisa tomorrow evening. Although, we may not be meeting because she caught this horrible pneumonia/bronchitis/cold-flu thing and may not even be at work tomorrow. :( Sickness sucks.

Jumped back on the workout wagon again today. Went well and I felt good with that.

I read through Jillian Michael's Making the Cut and discovered that I need to change my ab routine a bit. Lately, I've noticed that my obliques are getting nice and taught, but I feel like I'm "expanding" or getting wider. According to Jillian, the obliques can DO that, especially if you have fat on top of the muscle (which I still do, stupid fat). Therefore, I'm not really doing myself much good widening if I'm trying to shrink. So I'm changing up my ab routine. Only regular crunches and reverse crunches. Less or no obliques. We'll see how this goes!

Today's Goal: re-read a bit of Making the Cut - Jillian Michael's book for ideas = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Workout during the Biggest Loser #9! Woo hoo!

Calories Consumed: 1272

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   42 minutes jog/run
   (1- 10 minute sprint)
   8 minutes cool-down

   Strength Training:
   100 reverse crunches
   100 regular crunches

Day 70 - 'Fessing up and Video workouts

2010-02-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 31, 2010

So today I have no idea what I really did. See, lately I've been horribly slack on updating this blog. I write notes about what I'm going to blog about (ex: I know what weights/cardio I did every day), but the days just smear into the next.

Technically, it's Thursday night.

And I'm writing about last Sunday.

Yeah.

So...honestly, I'm not sure what happened. I believe I spent most of the day at home working on postcards for the voiceover stuff.

It was a fairly uneventful day. Really.

However, I realized that if I decide to workout to a workout video, I'm better off doing it when Jon is around. My mind starts to wander when there's no "accountability" and while I'll still DO the workout when I'm alone, I'm busy thinking about things. I get unfocused.

While I don't LIKE working out with Jon around it does keep my head in the game, a little.

Today I revisited Slim in 6 - Ramp it Up.

It was a good workout. I was proud of the fact when they recommend doing the push-ups I was able--nay, determined-- to do them on my toes. Considering I was doing 100 pushups a day for a while, ON MY TOES, two sets of 15 push-ups shouldn't be too hard.

I'm desperately trying to catch up on this blog so I can be back on my game. Bear with me :)

Thanks!!!

Today's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic = SORT OF SUCCESS? (I guess that's not something I can really watch on one day?)

Tomorrow's Goal: re-read a bit of Making the Cut - Jillian Michael's book for ideas

Calories Consumed: 1040

Workout:
Slim in 6 - Ramp it Up (total body workout with resistance bands)
47 minutes

Day 69 - Crazy cleaning and (almost) Running into my Ex

2010-02-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 30, 2010

So today was an interesting day.

Interesting = frustrating, productive, stressful, and surprising.

Jon and I had the day planned out:

I wanted to workout
We had to go to Best Buy
We had to go to Walgreens or a grocery store
We had to clean the kitchen and the kitchen floor

For some reason we were both really on edge today. We usually work these things out but for some reason we were just on each other's last nerve.

That caused some major tension with some out-and-out fighting.

I HATE fighting and I sincerely hate fighting with Jon. It makes me feel sad and confused and all my stupid childhood fears come crashing down on me. It takes me a while to regroup and come back from those kinds of fights.

I'm sure it stems from never feeling like my side was heard in my family. I spent so many fights at home trying to be heard. It's very difficult. And when Dad fights, he fights dirty. He says something hurtful and surgical to shut it down so he can "win". My Mom has a tendency to do the same thing, but she also just shuts down completely. And she listens when my father is yelling at her to "hang up the phone" or whatever.

We definitely come from a family of fighters.

I end up feeling deflated and sad and just a big ball of ickiness.

Jon likes to stay in and fight. Sometimes I can't handle it. I can't think straight. My emotions get in the way of my thoughts and take over. I try to take a break so I can process but he doesn't always want to give that.

It can get messy.

However, after a long time in the car in the parking lot (isn't it always like that? Why is shopping so damned stressful?). We finally started to feel better and decided to finish our shopping at the grocery store near our house.

Well.

One of the most frustrating things about living in this city is how big and small it is. I have tried to avoid the Jewel grocery store near our house for a variety of reasons the last 3.5 years.

1. It's a smaller store so the selection isn't always great
2. the aisles are narrower and it's a more frustrating shopping experience
3. My ex shops there.

Yeah, really #3 is the top reason I like to avoid the grocery store. Although I hadn't ever run into him there. Until today.

To be honest, I didn't actually run into him. I saw him. I really don't think he saw me. It was kinda freaky. I also saw his girlfriend (she seems like a nice person and seems to care about him which is nice for him). She looks like a thinner version of me with smaller boobs. He has a type.

Sigh. It's not a big deal. Or it shouldn't be. But I really wish my ex and Jon's ex would just let it go, already and just agree to bury the hatchet.

Do any of these bad feelings help any of us?

Well, once that awkwardness happened Jon was my lifeline and we made jokes and laughed about how icky and weird it was. I'm grateful for his understanding my conflicted feelings about that whole thing. He's a pretty great guy. I'm pretty damned lucky. :)

After working out and dinner, we hit the ground running on that kitchen.

It's in fabulous shape! Go Jon. You rocked it!

Today's Goal: try to do full cardio and light abs if I can = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: watch my eating. Calories are getting slightly erratic

Calories Consumed: 958

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   47 minutes jog/run
   8 minutes stretch/cool-down

   Strength Training:
   25 push ups
   50 reverse crunches
   50 regular crunches
   50 alternating toe touches (on my back)

Day 68 - Weigh-in week #10 and Taking it slow

2010-01-31T18:58:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 29, 2010

So today was a weigh-in day! AND, I was coming off of feeling like complete crap so I wasn't sure what the heck I would find on the scale. I had been away from any workout for 2 days. This was not a great thing. Plus, the last weigh-in had happened on last Saturday giving me only 6 days to lose instead of 7. But, on to the scale I went.

I LOST 1.8 lbs!!! WOOO HOOO!!!!!

That was a great way to start the day. Let me tell you!

To date I have now lost 8.6 lbs!

I really hope this continues! I am really trying to keep this thing going. I love the changes and how much stronger I am and how much stronger I feel!

Today I really took it easy and didn't do too much. I worked out for a short amount of time and got a little nauseated while doing it. I guess I need to be careful I don't relapse. It's just so hard when I see such a great number on the scale! It makes me want to kick it into high gear.

I know, I gotta listen to my body.

Jon and I have a HUGE to-do list we are trying to get to this weekend. I hope we can tackle most of it tomorrow so we have a quieter Sunday.

I'm bummed because I don't film this weekend like it had originally been planned. Locations had to be revamped and that, of course, revamped the schedule.

Oh well. I'm on next weekend so I have to stay healthy.

Yay for good scale days!

Today's Goal: Take it easy = moderate Success (I did work out but kept it light and easy...)

Tomorrow's Goal: try to do full cardio and light abs if I can

Calories Consumed: 1098

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   30 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 10 minute sprint)
   5 minute cool-down

Day 67 - Thwarted and Thwarted

2010-01-31T18:44:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 28, 2010

So today everything I had planned got thwarted.

My day was planned like this:

1. get up and workout
2. shower
3. pick up mom
4. go to my boob-squish (mammogram)
5. put on deodorant (you can't wear it until after you get your test)
6. work with mom on wedding stuff
7. meet up with Lisa to sort stuff out
8. come home and have dinner with Jon
9. get a good night's sleep

Here is how my day went:

1. got a HORRIBLE night's sleep
2. freeze and feel achy
3. wake up at 6am realizing I feel like crap
4. put on extra socks because I'm so cold
5. wake up at 6:05am realizing I really feel like crap
6. decide at 6:15am to finally bite the bullet and check the thermometer
7. coming to terms with the fact that I had a fever of 100.3 (this is actually high-ish for me since my normal body temp is 97.5-ish usually)
8. decide I have to cancel everything today and just sleep
9. call and reschedule boob-squish, Mom, and Lisa
10. Sleep on and off and finally break my fever

I began to feel better as the day wore on when my fever finally broke. I have no idea why I had the fever or where it came from but I felt awful all night long.

So no workout for me today. Guess that's a two-in-a-row for not working out. Not my favorite trend but I'll deal with it.

There's always tomorrow...

Today's Goal: Get back to the routine = FAIL (yeah, fever thwarted that. Stupid fever)

Tomorrow's Goal: Take it easy and don't push myself

Calories Consumed: 892

Workout = NONE

Day 66 - Run-down and Voiceover Promotion

2010-01-30T16:49:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

So today I felt like crap. I felt run-down and just ick. I tried to get motivated to get up and get going and I just didn't have it in me.

Guess I am taking today as a recovery day. I hate when my body tells me when it needs stuff. I mean, I'm glad it does, but I wish it and my mind would be on the same schedule.

Anyhow, it wasn't too much of an issue since I had a real goal in mind: Send out round 1 of my voiceover promotion postcards.

It's such a crazy/different type of promoting. The marketing on this side of the business is nothing like the other side.

I know once I get into it and get my groove it will get easier. It just feels like craziness while I'm trying to get it done the first time. The learning curve is HUGE. I just have to accept that I don't "get" it yet and know the next time or the next next time will come easier.

I did complete it, though, so I know that it was important to get on that train and see it through this week.

Now. Most importantly, I need to realize that it is just as important for me to schedule time to work on THIS as it is to work on my business with my sister-in-law, Carrie, as it is to schedule time to meet with my mom to plan/work on the wedding. Whew! I am surprised there are enough hours in the day/in the week to get everything done!!

That's always been my issue. I never feel like I'm getting enough done.

I look at my apartment and sigh dreadfully that there is SO MUCH I could do to make it more habitable and feel less cluttered and organized and BLECH. I feel overwhelmed by everything we have to do every single day/week: Dishes, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the mammal's cages, dusting, changing the sheets, grocery shopping, etc, etc, etc. It all becomes WAY too much after a while. When does one get to take a break? And will I ever get a break where I feel like I'm done? Where everything really is in its place?

I might have to start triaging my life like I triaged my career. I decided to focus on film and voiceover for the moment. I'm not auditioning for live theatre, (although I've recently been handed two separate opportunities that I'm, of course, not turning down), and I'm really making sure my focus has my attention. I think I need to do that in my apartment. I need to tackle one project at a time and just realize that it's got to be completed before I'm allowed to tackle the next one.

For example: My photos. Oy vey! I have so many and I want to scan them so I don't risk ever losing them. BUT, I also have to go through them. I have two boxes (bigger than shoe boxes) FULL of photos as well as many photo albums. This project will take quite a while to get through.

Then there are the cross-stitching projects I've started and never completed. They live in my closet and I miss working on them. I love to cross-stitch.
Same thing with knitting. I have a 1/2 completed project I'm trying to finish for my best friend. UGH.

Ok. I guess I need to write a real list of all the projects I plan/need to complete in order to really get a clue as to which to tackle and when.

This could take years. :) Sigh. But if I really give myself a goal to work on these things, maybe I can actually get them done. I'd be happy giving myself an hour a week as long as I'm DOING something. Even if they take a long time, it's better than not working on them at all. At least I can say I'm making SOME progress, right?

First up: My best friend's gift. I was hoping to complete it by her birthday which was in January. If I can complete that by MY birthday (it's the taint of March...March 16th. --- taint the Ides, taint St. Patrick's Day--) then I can send her a holiday/birthday gift on my birthday and that would be sort of like getting it on-time. ;)

Ok. Going to bed and going to wake up strong.

Today's Goal: Postcards. No excuses. = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Get back to the routine

Calories Consumed: 913

Workout - NONE

Day 65 - Coffee date and Keeping my heart open

2010-01-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

So today I had a rather busy day. I ran up to the suburbs to see my sister-in-law and work on our new business together. (I'll update more on this when we are fully up and running. Right now I'm slightly tight-lipped until we fully launch).

We had a really great conversation about money and children. It's so nice how much closer she and I are getting. She is the one person who lives the closest who is in my wedding party! I fear she will have the burden on her for lots of work! Poor Carrie! ;)

After that meeting, I headed back into the city to meet my dear friend Bethany for coffee. We have been trying to hook up once a month to reconnect when possible. There's this one Starbuck's near where she works so we tend to meet up there and just talk and catch up. It's really nice to see her.

On my way, I got a phone call from Grant, the lead in the Fall Away film I'm in. We had a great conversation where I gave him some advice about "keeping your heart open and ready". It's something I usually believe strongly in, but sometimes have a hard time putting into practice. The whole "live as if" attitude is sometimes really hard, but necessary. In his case, he has a case of the lonely-hearted. He wants a relationship. I told him as long as he is keeping his heart open and his life available for that he will find it. I really hope that's true. He deserves happiness. He's such a special person!

I got home just in time for The Biggest Loser! I did my workout watching it and Jon made dinner. Epic Success!

:)

All in all, a good day. Lisa and I are meeting on Thursday evening. Interestingly enough, I'm feeling less stressed about it. I feel like we just got caught up in whatever and just need a reconnection. I'm hoping I'm right. I really miss her and just want to spend some time hanging out with her. I hope she feels the same way.

Today's Goal: Workout during The Biggest Loser = SUCCESS

Tomorrow's Goal: Postcards. No excuses.

Calories Consumed: 927

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   45 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 10 minute sprint; 1 - 5 minute sprint)

   Strength Training:
   25 push ups
   50 back rows (using resistance bands)
   50 pulsed back rows (using resistance bands)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

Day 64 - Pants in the closet and The Defiled screening

2010-01-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 25, 2010

So today is the sneak peek screening for the film The Defiled!!! I played a very small role in this feature/horror/awesome film!

I'm very excited to see the full film on-screen! We are seeing it in a real screening room at Columbia College in Chicago. My parents, Jon and I will be having dinner at my folks house and then heading over to the college.

I wasn't sure what I was going to wear. I had some ideas (I wanted to dress up a bit), but nothing was set in stone. I was a TOTAL GIRL. I tried everything on in my closet. Nothing was working.

The one wonderful thing about losing weight and changing how your body looks is everything gets big on you and you feel great in smaller sizes. The one frustrating thing about losing weight is that everything is big on you that you have IN YOUR CLOSET and then you have to go out and get more clothes.

Deep in the back of my closet I have a pair of pants.

I bought these pants and the sweater at H&M circa 2002.

I never wore the pants. By the time I had a reason to wear them I'd gained about 5 pounds and they didn't fit well anymore.

So they went into the back of the closet with the tags on.

I've gotten rid of a LOT of clothes ranging in sizes for the last few years. For some reason, there were a few things I just wouldn't part with.

These pants were one of those items. I was just SURE I would get in them again and be able to really wear them to something.

I'm proud to say...TODAY WAS THAT DAY!

I should have gotten a picture of me in them. But regardless, I really enjoyed that amazing feeling of zipping them up and having them FIT!

Mom made dinner and we ran off to watch me get mutilated!

The screening was a BLAST! I had such an amazing time! There's nothing cooler than seeing your face on a movie screen. Seriously. It was awesome!

Onwards and upwards! I'm hoping we'll have as awesome a screening of Fall Away when it's finally complete!

Check out the poster for The Defiled! My name's on it!!!!!

Today's Goal: Be careful at Mom's for dinner = SUCCESS

Tomorrow's Goal: workout during The Biggest Loser 9

Calories Consumed: 1100

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   30 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 5 minute sprint)
   8 minutes cool down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   30 push ups
   1 Pilates 100
   50 bicycle
   50 reverse crunches
   50 regular crunches

Day 63 - Grey's Anatomy and Proud of me

2010-01-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 24, 2010

So today I dove back into the workout with a vengeance.

Normally, when Jon is home and I'm working out, we throw West Wing on. I love having TV shows on DVD because they are the perfect time to do a cardio workout! 42ish minutes.

Today, though, Jon was sleeping a bit late (he's allowed), so I decided to pop in my newest TV show, Grey's Anatomy.

Ok. I resisted watching this show. FULLY resisted. It sounded kinda dumb, no offense. But, honestly, I've truly fallen for it. It's funny and fun and it gets me through my cardio.
*I'm only on episode 4 season 1 so please, no spoilers! ;)

Other than that, Jon and I went to go see my friend and former teacher, Scott's, show at Act One. He directed a one-act by Horton Foote called Laura Dennis. It was performed by the first year students (it's a 2 year conservatory). They are half-way through their first year. I thought they did a very nice job, considering. There is some real talent there. Others have some work to do, but they are really on the right track. It's lovely to see that. :)

Food shopping and dinner rounded out the night. We were tired but not sleepy.

I am still feeling a bit stressed and sad about my communication problems with Lisa. I hope we get a chance to see each other and resolve this. She's one of my best friends and one of my maids of honor for my wedding. It would be a shame if this causes us any more grief. However, I realize I am seeing things differently than I used to. I'm happy about my life changes, but I do realize that often it's weird for people who have known me for a while, (especially through the really bad times) to see a change in me. I mean, I am not only changing from the outside, I'm changing on the inside. Cheesy-sounding, I know, but I'm really happy with who I'm becoming. And I'm really proud.

When I was at Act One, I realized how frustrated I was all the time. I was sad and angry and anxious. I was never content with myself. I thought the world was against me and I had limited time to reach my goals or I would be a failure. I saw myself as the one with the most experience and the oldest and it scared me how shameful I felt being back in school. I thought there was something wrong with me.

I don't feel that way anymore. I made some big decisions upon leaving school and it's never too late to change your life, I feel. So, here I am. I'm changing it. And I feel great about my choices. It's always a journey and a process.

Today's Goal: Back on the workout track!

Tomorrow's Goal: be careful eating at Mom's for dinner

Calories Consumed: 1090

Workout:
   Cardio:
   42 minutes
   (1 - 10 minute sprint; 5- 1 minute skaters)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   30 push-ups
   50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

Day 62 - Weigh-in week #9 and Adventures

2010-01-24T17:32:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 23, 2010

So today Jon and I took a drive out to Wisconsin! Our plan was to go to my dear friend, Debbie's, baby shower and then head over to see one of my best friends, Lisa, who lives in Kenosha.

Debbie lives in Neenah, Wisconsin which is about 3.5 hours one way from Chicago. We had the whole day planned.

Get up and get out by 9:00AM.

Get to Debbie's by 1:30PM (when the shower starts)

Hang there for awhile (I haven't seen her much and definitely not since she's gotten pregnant)

Then head back towards Kenosha and see Lisa, her family, and her boyfriend Ryan at the bowling alley.

The day started great. We were a little late (about 20 minutes) but nothing awful. Debbie was thrilled to see us. Then when everyone started to get going we decided to hang out for a while.

We planned to chat with them and then head out to see Lisa who just told us to let her know when we were in the 'hood.

We sort of cut our conversation short to ensure we'd make it to Kenosha at a decent hour when we texted her. Unfortunately we weren't able to make that meeting happen. For reasons I don't quite understand...

Why am I mentioning all this?

Well, I wanted to say that I handled something that was really upsetting in a different way than my normal way.

I used to get upset and then stuff down my emotional response to it. Usually I felt like I looked weak or too vulnerable to visibly show I am hurt by something. Easier to get angry about it, right?

While driving, I made it a point to take a breath and realize, and verbalize that I am very sad about this situation. I really was disappointed and I really wanted to see my friend and I was hurt that it was not able to happen.

I expressed those sad feelings. I did, also, express my angry and frustrated feelings. But the fact that I acknowledged my hurt ones is a big step for me.

I'm proud of that.

Maybe this over-haul on me is working...

I realized this morning that I completely forgot to do a weigh-in yesterday! All the filming excitement got to me!

So! Here are the results: Back down those 4 ounces I gained! YAY!

Weight-loss to date: 6.8 lbs! Yay!

Today's Goal: be careful with my choices at the shower! And if we get drinks with Lisa = SUCCESS! (I did have a bite of the awesome cake but it was totally budgeted in the calories. And, well, we never even saw Lisa to have drinks...)

Tomorrow's Goal: Back on the workout track!

Calories Consumed: 1053

Workout: NONE = recovery

Day 61 - Filming and Futurama references

2010-01-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 22, 2010

So today I had to get myself ready for filming. I am so excited to get back on set! I absolutely love that this is the work I am getting to do now. I love the film I love the crew I love the director I love the cast!

I. Love. It. All.

So, I wanted to make sure I was worked out before our 12 hour filming.

So there I was. Ready to workout. And I just didn't want to do it.

Now, of course, I really don't like working out, anyway. (Who does, usually?)

So I took a moment to analyze and figure out what it was about this workout that was bothering me.

Was it that I didn't want to work out because I was too tired? No.

Was it that I felt sore? No.

Was I just "not feeling it"? No.

I actually wanted to workout, but I just didn't want to do my regular routine.

As Jon and I often like to quote (and misquote) Futurama I realized what the problem was.

This workout was "boring me, Zoidberg"

Ok! This is fixable. I have a plethora of other workout videos and things to do to alleviate the boredom.

So today I opted to do a total body workout which included cardio, resistance bands, abs, yoga, etc in less than 48 minutes! Yay me.

Why don't I do these all the time? Aha! Well, I get bored with them too, Zoidberg.

But it was a nice change from the regular routine.

Also, I'd like to add that in the past I've done this workout and never felt as strong as I do now doing it. I often had to bow out of a rep or two or even an exercise when it would get too difficult. It was incredibly cool to be able to do the entire work out and feel good!

I'm sure I'll be revisiting that one again! :)

Filming? Oh filming was amazing! A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!

I got wrapped at 3:30AM. Gotta get up at 8:00AM to head to Wisconsin (3.5 hours one way) to visit my dear friend from high school, Debbie, for her baby shower!!! Cannot wait to see her! Then, I get to hang with one of my best friends, Lisa, who moved back home to Kenosha, Wisconsin after that! So excited to see them! It's been too long in both cases. I'm missing my ladies!

Today's Goal: Do a total body workout (weights and/or abs with cardio) = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: be careful with my choices at the shower! And if we get drinks with Lisa

Calories Consumed: 1054

Workout:
Slim in 6 - Ramp it up - less than 48 minutes

Day 60 - Sloth and Kicking My Own Ass

2010-01-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 21, 2010

So today I had a realization.

I need alone time. And I need time where I don't feel "under the gun", so to speak.

When I schedule a recovery day I really need to remember that it can include doing nothing.

I suck at doing nothing.

I suck hard at it.

I grew up believing the only way to succeed was always be working towards the goal. I never stopped to enjoy or even reflect on the journey.

I still struggle with this.

I've often over-scheduled myself and believed I could make up time later. Yeah, well, sometimes I need those "lazier" days in order to recharge and move on tomorrow with even more commitment and determination. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and not have to strategize/think/plan/decide anything. Sometimes I just want to be alone and read a book or watch Law & Order and not feel bad about it.

Sometimes I do this.

Usually I feel guilty.

Often I protest that I have every right to enjoy myself, yet I never do.

Today is no exception.

All day I tried to just talk myself into letting this be a "sloth" day. I'd use it as a recovery day even though I knew full-well that Saturday made more sense as a recovery day since I'd probably be traveling and in my car most of the day after coming off of a long filming.

But my body just wanted it and, reluctantly, I gave in.

I laid in bed most of the day and just tried to enjoy the fact that I was taking "me" time.

It worked...sort of. But since I felt like I'd been slacking off on some of my more intense workouts this week, it never really stuck with me, fully.

Jon and I had waited until we both had some time to watch Tuesday's episode of The Biggest Loser.

Jon returned from a meeting and I was all set to watch it with him, at 10:30PM when I realized I felt like a huge hypocrite!

Here I had spent the entire day laying around and I was about to spend ANOTHER 2 hours watching a TV show? With no exercise?
So, I busted out the exercise clothes and hopped to it watching The Biggest Loser. It's really motivating and fun to workout while THEY workout.

I got a GREAT cardio workout in and still got to enjoy one of my favorite inspirational shows. :) Win/Win!

Today's Goal: 60 oz of water = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Do a total body workout (weights and/or abs with cardio)

Calories Consumed: 1042

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   42 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 15 minute sprint!)
   8 minutes cool down/stretch

Day 59 - Family and Fighting fatigue

2010-01-21T21:59:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

So today I went to hang out with my sister-in-law Carrie. She's pretty amazing. I don't know how she runs the household with 4 boys AND my brother.

I love my brother. He and I did not get along when we were growing up. We had completely different interests but as adults we definitely respect each other's accomplishments.

But, this is the first time I've heard my brother tell me how "floored" he was by my talent.

I can't begin to tell you how much that meant to me. Carrie and I were talking about the film and about the voiceover demos. She hadn't heard them yet.

I pulled up the website: www.aligoodmanvo.com and she heard the 2 demos. She was so complimentary! Then I showed her the photos from the film (Becky I'm totally going to add some photos on here. I'm just waiting for a day when I have more than a few minutes to really pull some good ones out!)

When I got home and worked out, I got a call from my brother. This is not usual. We don't talk on the phone or even text. But we just know the other has our back, you know? Anyway, getting a call from him to just tell me how impressed he was and how much he really wants me to succeed just made my entire day!

I was on cloud nine! :) Yay for family and for brothers and for sister-in-laws! Happy!

As far as food and working out, I feel like I did alright today. Could have done better with strength training but I'm not altogether unhappy with the progress.

I feel as though I'm really fighting fatigue. I can't seem to get a decent amount of sleep. I blame the mattress and pillows and everything, but I really wonder if it's something else within me that's just not letting me rest properly.

I'm always stressed about money and work and whatnot, but I really wonder if changing my life is now bringing up crap I didn't realize wasn't worked out. Or something.

Lots to think about.

Today's Goal: Get some work done with Carrie (my sister-in-law) and get 40 min. cardio = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: 60 oz of water, baby!

Calories Consumed: 1048

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   42 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 10 minute sprint; 3 -1 minute skaters)
   8 minutes cool down/ stretch

   Strength Training:
   60 push ups
   50 regular crunches
   50 reverse crunches
   50 oblique crunches (each side)

Day 58 - Celebration and appreciation

2010-01-21T07:45:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

So today is my oldest friend, Kathleen's, birthday. I've known K since I was 9 years old. We went to a performing arts camp together at the park district and became fast friends. We then ended up performing in a group called "Traveling Troupe" which performed all over Chicago. The ages of the performers were 12 - 14. THEN, we both ended up at Interlochen Arts Academy for high school.

It feels like we've known each other forever. :) I'm grateful for that friendship.

She is having a small gathering of people at The Cheesecake Factory this evening. We are all headed out to celebrate her birthday.

I'm very excited to see her. She lives in New York but often travels all over for work. She's a dancer/actress/singer and often gets shows in Florida and Vegas. She's a busy girl!

My biggest challenge: making sure I watch my portions and not feeling guilty about the drink(s) I consume.

Cheesecake does offer a fantastic herb-crusted salmon with a huge salad. I believe I will definitely get that and put the dressing on the side. Then I'll for sure have leftovers to take home.

I did my workout earlier today. I had a tough time with cardio. I just couldn't get my body working. But I got something in, and that's what counts.

Today's Goal: Get that water in = SUCCESS/FAIL (I think I got in about 60 oz but counteracted it with the alcohol...)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get some work done with Carrie (my sister-in-law) and get 40 min. cardio

Calories Consumed: 1132

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   30 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 5 minute sprint)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   50 push ups
   100 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   100 oblique crunches (both sides)

Day 57 - set-sick and determined

2010-01-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 18, 2010

So today I had a shorter day on the set. I started around 10:00 AM and was released around 3:00 PM. It was a fun day. However, upon getting released from the set I got depressed.

I really feel like when I walk on to the set I'm actually "home". It's such a comforting feeling to be there. I'm happy and content and don't feel like I'm "working" in any way. Even though we keep ridiculous hours and I often need an amazing amount of sleep to counteract the time/energy it takes, I'd do it over and over again just to be a part of this incredible experience.

I love this work. I love that this is my job. I love saying that I'm a working actor and having something really impressive to show for it.

So leaving I feel "set-sick". I'm homesick for the work, the people, the art.

To deal with that, I'm back trying to be on-track with my workouts and eating.

Of all the amazing things about being on set, I notice that I drink less water and am not as careful about noting every single calorie I put in my mouth. While I'm not being an idiot about choices, I'm still grazing more than I'm writing. It's tough when you are grabbing a quick bite between shots. It's the nature of the game.

But I'm back...at least for a few days. Hopefully it's enough to start the scale moving down. :) While I'm very proud of my work, I still have a ways to go before I hit my true goal.

Today's Goal: jump into the full routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Keep on that water!

Calories Consumed: 1009

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   40 minutes jog/run
   (3 - 5 minute sprints)
   8 minutes cool down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   50 push ups
   100 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   100 oblique crunches (each side)

Day 56 - Naps and Crankiness

2010-01-18T18:02:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 17, 2010

So today was another awesome day of filming. I'm so grateful to be doing this work. I'm proud of it and very excited to be a part of such an amazing production.

That said: I did better today. I was able to make a better approximation on my calories.

I was really cranky though. Sorry Jon! I definitely took it out on him at first. I did, however, apologize. I'm getting better at recognizing when I'm being inflexible and even somewhat belligerent. I'm getting better at saying "I'm sorry".

I took a nap and got up later and decided I absolutely HAD to do SOME kind of workout.

I settled on watching a West Wing and doing some cardio. It was something. Given the schedule of insanity I've been on I really commend myself on getting SOME workout in. Hopefully if we wrap a bit earlier tomorrow I can get home and get a better workout in.

Today's Goal: Get more water in = SUCCESS (I doubt I got the entire 80 oz. But I did drink a lot of water).

Tomorrow's Goal: Try and jump into the full routine if possible

Calories Consumed: 1049

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   40 minutes jog/run
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

Day 55 - Filming and Sleeping

2010-01-17T17:09:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 16, 2010

So today we have a very crazy turn-around time for our filming. Off the set at 3:00 PM and back on the set at 1:30 AM for hair and make-up. So exhausted. Must sleep.

No workout today. Only sleep.

Better post tomorrow.

Today's Goal: be careful at craft services = SUCCESS (only ate fruit and eggs and veggies)

Tomorrow's Goal: try to get more water in

Calories Consumed: ??? Approx 1200?

Workout: NONE (sleep for a quick turn-over time)

Day 54 - Weigh-in week 8 and Rest

2010-01-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 15, 2010

So today was a weigh-in day and a day of rest. We are on set starting at 2:00 AM this coming morning (Sat.) until 2:00 PM Saturday afternoon. There will be little time to sleep or rest so I'm going to have to keep my energy up with good food and basically "graze" all weekend. We film Saturday through Monday afternoon.

As far as the weigh-in goes I did gain. Only 4 ounces but it's still a gain so that's never fun. BUT, I'm not throwing in the towel.

I completed a kick-ass workout today and I feel really good about that.

The next few days will be very hard to determine calories since we have craft services providing everything. But, I will be careful and watch the choices I make. No candy bars for me. And lots of tea and water...no coffee.

See you on the next break of filming! Yay Fall Away!

Today's Goal: Get in some rest and water = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: be very careful with my choices at the craft services table

Calories Consumed: Approx. 1200

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   40 minutes jog/run
   (2 - 5 minute run/invis jump rope sprints; 2 - 1 minute skaters)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   100 push ups
   1 session of Pilates 100
   100 regular crunches
   100 regular pulsed crunches
   100 oblique crunches (each side)
   100 regular squats (12 lbs each side)
   100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each side)
   100 plie squats (12 lbs each side)
   100 pulsed plie squats (12 lbs each side)

Day 53 - Migraines and Madness

2010-01-15T12:38:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 14, 2010

So today was ick ick ick. Suffice it to say, I had a migraine. I still feel awful and I just want to sleep forever!

Short post today. I did, however, get in some workout. Trust me, I'm even surprised. Jon and I got no domestic stuff done, though. And that's unfortunate. We have cages and laundry to do. :( But I was happy just to get rid of the migraine and get in some workout.

I have a not-so-good feeling about this weigh-in tomorrow. What with my small workouts and extra recovery and caloric overload and cramps this week, I'll be happy with a small gain. Ugh.

I hate bad weeks. They feel like they undermine all the work! Even though I technically DID work out. More than many! It's just frustrating.

So, there it is. Tomorrow may be an ick day just because of the scale. And because of my need to sleep during the day! This weekend proves to be a very busy one with filming. I will definitely try to get the blog posts up in a timely manner. But if I'm late-ish I will catch up.

Today's Goal: Do my cardio before Jon gets home from work = FAIL (but I did get my cardio in so that's good...)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get enough sleep and enough water.

Calories Consumed: 1011

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   30 minutes jog/run
   (6 - 1 minute sprints-skaters)
   5 minutes cool-down

   Strength Training
   50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls  (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies  (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press  (12 lbs each hand)

Day 52 - Cramps and Caloric Overload

2010-01-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

So today started out AWFUL. I was up at 3am with horrible cramps. I finally got back to sleep to wake up with the same pain at about 6am. It was just one bad dream after another. :(

When I finally peeled myself out of my bed, I realized I had little time to get all my workout done before I had to meet my mom to work on wedding stuff.

I've heard that working out (especially cardio) can help cramps. So I started some cardio. It did help. But I also think popping a few ibuprofen was the "real" help.

After about 30 minutes (yeah that's all I could get) I went to take a shower and realized that somehow the bubble bath popped open on the shelf and had fallen on its side and had dripped bubble goo EVERYWHERE AND ON EVERYTHING.

UGH!

I quickly called my Mom and told her I'd be running about 30 minutes late. Then I did a VERY fast clean-up (didn't finish it) and showered and ran out of the house.

Mom and I were looking at places to hold the rehearsal dinner. We wanted to go a little more light and fun since our wedding is a bit more formal.

We decided to come back to the restaurant and do a tasting that night with Jon and my dad.

After getting back to her apartment we hit the lists and tried to get some things finished. I was in need of some food. I had a small snack knowing full-well I would be having calories out of my personal control tonight with the tasting.

UGH! Food was amazing. Amazing. BUT, the calories were ridiculous. I ate as little as I could and still feel like I was giving a true idea as to what the food would taste like (we got prawns and sea bass and tuna, etc. I am a pescatarian so I don't eat meat or poultry. Only fish).

After leaving I just started to feel icky again. I wanted to take more ibuprofen, but I also needed to get my abs and legs in today.

I don't know how I did it, but I busted out the abs and legs when we got home last night. No extra cardio, but I did what I could. I barely combated the calories, though, I'm sure. Things were DRIPPING in oil.

Ok, ok, I know tomorrow is another day. And I did do well to avoid all the chocolate my mom has lying around the house. I wanted a frango mint so badly I could taste the indulgence in my mind. But I didn't.
So that was good, right?

Today's Goal: Drink water and be careful at dinner. FAIL (I know I did the best I could at dinner, but it just was a caloric fest. And I somehow lost count as to how much water I drank. Although I can tell you it most likely was NOT enough).

Tomorrow's Goal: Do my cardio before Jon gets home from work.

Calories Consumed: approx 1500?? (seriously!)

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   30 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 5 minutes sprint)
   5 minutes cool down

   Strength Training:
   50 push-ups
   1 set Pilates 100's
   100 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   100 oblique crunches (both sides)
   100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 51 - Time and Money

2010-01-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, January 13, 2010

So today was a much better day. I got in a great workout and felt like things were mostly back on track.

I know a lot of my sleep issues are due to the fact that Jon and I have an absolutely hideous mattress. It was never meant to be our full-time mattress but it's all we have at the moment.

We're saving every penny we can to just get to go on a honeymoon. Also, I'm really revving up the promoting of my voiceover demos so any extra money I make has been going into that.

* www.aligoodmanvo.com

Throughout my whole life I've never had just one interest. I've been a jack of all trades, master of none. I've decided to change that vision. I want to stop all the desperate attempts to "get" somewhere. I am just putting my focus into my interests. In the future I am totally open to them changing but, for now, I have to stop just shooting myself in the foot.

This is why I am heavily focusing on film and voiceover. I'm not leaving theatre, altogether, but it's not where my interests are lying these days. For the first time in my life, I'm ok with that.

Time is what I am lacking. Time and money. I've been putting off seeing friends and family so I can focus on me and my goals. It's taken a toll on my mental state. I miss my friends. I tend to have hermit-tendencies. So this week and a bit of next week I made sure to make firm plans with friends and family so I HAVE to get out of the house and schedule myself better.

Now, of course, I'm freaking out about the time I'm spending away from those things I have to do!

Balance. Right? BALANCE.

Got to get a bit better on my water. I only got in about 50 oz today. It was not enough.

Working on wedding stuff tomorrow with Mom. Would love to really get some things off of THAT list!

Today's Goal: back into the workout routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER! And be careful at dinner.

Calories Consumed: 1095

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   40 minutes jog/run/shadow box/kicks
   (1 - 10 minute sprint; 2 - 1 minute skaters)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   60 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)

Day 50 - Listening to my body and trusting my body

2010-01-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 11, 2010

So today was a day I did nothing. Seriously. I did nothing. I slept in pretty late. Considering shooting finished at about 5:00am this morning, I realized I needed to rest.

Jon and I had a bunch of errands to run after he went to work.

We did none of them.

As a matter of fact, he hadn't been feeling well all weekend, so he took the day off and just rested too. I don't think we left the bed for more than 30 minutes. We were both exhausted and just needed a reboot.

I had planned to get up and workout later in the day.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

I just couldn't get the energy up.

So, I guess today became a recovery day.

I'm trying to give myself some latitude. I know being up all night and changing my sleep schedule can mess me up for a while. When I worked at 4:00am at Starbucks I'd have to go to sleep at 9:00pm to be able to function the next day. Then after being cut I'd have to go home and take a nap. I was always tired.

I know I've been on a great track working out almost 6 days a week every week. I don't want to get off-track. It's so easy to just let myself "take a day". I don't want to fall back into a bad habit.

I'm learning to just trust myself and my body. I do feel better knowing I've worked out, so the rush I get from having DONE my workout will help me keep up the good habit, right? And when I do need a break because my schedule is making me exhausted, I just need to give myself that time to rest. I need to trust myself a little more.

It's hard to do that. Especially when I've "failed" myself so many times before with my workouts. I tend to come back but it's usually after a long break and the inconsistency yields little results.

But, I trust myself this time. This time I am using only me (and YOU via this blog). I'm not using any gimmicks or helpful things other than my desire to live my best life.

So, today I forgive myself and move on. Tomorrow is another day.

Today's Goal: Drink at least 60 oz of water and take my multi-vitamin = Fail/SUCCESS (I think I drank 40 - 50 oz...maybe )

Tomorrow's Goal: Back on the workout schedule - cardio and weights and use BL9* to really motivate me if I need it.

Calories Consumed: 901

Workout: NONE = recovery

*BL9 = The Biggest Loser season 9 - GREAT motivator!

Day 49 - Filming and Freezing

2010-01-11T13:08:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 10, 2010

So today was the first day of filming! Glorious and wonderful filming! I cannot tell you how excited and happy I am to be a part of this incredible project.

The crew and the cast and the whole thing was amazing. I cannot wait until next weekend!

However, we were shooting outside in below freezing temperatures. While in this scene I was able to wear a coat and scarf, my toes nearly froze off because the cheap boots I got are essentially made out of plastic.

The amazing crew ran to get me toe-warmers. They helped for a bit. But, seriously, I have to find a better way to keep my toes warm. Put the foot warmers on BEFORE I get cold, maybe... :) Also: better socks!

Other than that little craziness, I feel like the luckiest girl!

I cannot say enough awesome things about this experience. It is everything about why I am an actor. Love! LOVE!

During the day I tried to sleep as much as I could. I purposely cleared my schedule so I could get some rest, get in some cardio and just relax before shooting.

Same thing goes for tomorrow. Our call time: 11pm Sunday night. Wrap time: 5:00am Monday morning! [yawns]

G'night!

*for those of you interested:
www.fallawayfilm.com

Today's Goal: Get in some cardio and get some sleep during the day = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: drink water (at least 60 oz) and take my multi-vitamin

Calories Consumed: 924

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   40 minutes jog/run
   (1 - 5 minute run/jump rope sprint; 5 - 1 minute skaters)
   8 minute cool-down/stretch

Day 48 - Hopes and Doubts

2010-01-10T11:29:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 9, 2010

So today was an errand day for Jon Wolter and me. We ran around to the bank, to the Post-Office, and did laundry.

Um, if you can avoid going to the Post-Office on a Saturday when you need to get a passport. DO. Avoid it at all costs.

It took over 1.5 hours just to get him through the line, (a specially designated line JUST for those needing passport services) and get his photo taken. Also, I had no idea that they actually TAKE your birth certificate. Supposedly they mail it back to you. REALLY? Is this necessary? To take control of your birth certificate? Wow. Considering it's the Chicago post-office, my comfort level is not quite there. Fingers-crossed he gets both the passport AND the birth certificate back in plenty of time for our honeymoon!

Oh, and a quick shout-out to some of the well-behaved kids standing in line at the very busy Post-Office. Thank you for your patience and lack of shouting/crying.

To the mother who decided it was appropriate to give your 4 year old child a small toy that plays a kazoo-like tune at full-volume every time he presses on it:
May I suggest you let him bring a SILENT toy next time he is to be out in public.
Love,
The Rest of the Frustrated Customers at the Ashland/Wellington Post-Office.

After that ordeal we had lunch at one of my favorite Chicago restaurants, The Chicago Diner. It's a vegetarian restaurant with vegan options. I love this place. My ex never wanted to go there. He refused to even try some of their delicious options, claiming he was a carnivore to the core. Well, his loss, our gain! At least I know there's never a chance of running into him there. :)

Per usual, Jon Wolter and I had a delightful lunch and I took home left-overs for breakfast.

Finally, I worked out, we did laundry and I worked on some promotional stuff.

I was trying to stay up as late as possible tonight since my call/shoot time tomorrow starts at 11:00pm and goes until about 5:00am.

I'm nervous. I am really glad the first scenes I'm in are fairly "tame" emotionally. Julian, the director, really does an amazing job getting everyone comfortable before committing anything to camera. It's helpful as an actor to know he has our back. Yet, I'm feeling worried.

I've lost a bunch of weight, (ok, not a lot of actual weight, but my body has changed a lot and I look healthier) but will it look ok on camera? Will I look fat? I'm so nervous. I don't want to look like hell.

Ugh. I gotta snap outta this line of thinking. I'm just nervous. He hired me 7 pounds ago. He liked me enough then. So, I'm looking even better now. Right? Ok. Enough pep talk. I got this.

Tomorrow's post may come late on Monday since we've got an all-night shoot. But it will be here. No question. :)

Today's Goal: Workout and get part one of the checklist done for the film = SUCCESS

Tomorrow's Goal: Get in some cardio and get sleep during the day!

Calories Consumed: 1142

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   40 minutes jog/run
   (2 sets of 20 push-ups - 6 sets of 10 push-ups)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   1 set of Pilates 100
   100 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   100 oblique crunches (both sides)
   100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 47 - Weigh-in Week #7 and A Few Shout Outs

2010-01-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 8, 2010

So today was my weigh-in day. For the final week for my 1st goal: THE FILM!

My original goal was that I wanted to lose 10 pounds in 7 weeks. Actually, originally, it was 8 weeks because the film was starting NEXT weekend. They then changed all that and began shooting a week early. This weekend.

So! How did I do?

At this week's weigh-in I lost 1.8 lbs. YES!

I am THRILLED to report I have lost, altogether, ALMOST 7 POUNDS! (6.8 lbs to be exact!)

I was really starting to get down on myself. I had 2 really bad weeks and felt like even though I was losing, it was at such a low rate, something I was doing was really wrong! Or, maybe, (because I'm a hypochondriac), there was really something wrong with me.

Turns out my friend, (and awesomely avid reader of this blog), Adam, was correct.

He had private messaged me with some tips on sleeping better and maybe acquiring a more accurate scale. In that message he mentioned that maybe I wasn't eating enough calories.

I really thought he must be out of his mind.

As a girl with an unhealthy relationship to calories, I honestly believed that not eating enough when you're over-weight was a myth. I guess all those PSA's and Lifetime movies of Calista Flockhart binge eating and purging or not eating enough were my idea of "under-eating".

I was wrong.

Actually, Jon Wolter reminded me about last season on The Biggest Loser, Ron and Mikey were having trouble losing weight because they were not eating enough calories. They finally listened to Bob and had a great week of weight loss.

Hmmmm. Maybe there really was something to Adam's suggestions.

So I decided to try it. I threw an extra 150 or so (sometimes less sometimes more) into the mix to see how it would fare.

Lo and behold I dropped almost 2 pounds this week!

So, THANK YOU ADAM!!!! :) Your awesome attention to me and this blog put me back on track and helped ease some depression. *HUGS!*

I'd also like to point out that I START FILMING ON SUNDAY NIGHT! Can I be more excited? I think not! Tomorrow is my checklist day. Sunday is my double check list day! I cannot wait!

I may not have actually hit my 1st goal of 10 lbs, but I am shocked at how defined my arms are getting. I can "see" ab muscle and, seriously, don't mess with my legs. They are CUT! :)

I'm pretty proud of my work these past 7 weeks.

One of my other friends, Becky, has been working her butt off to change her life. I'm so proud of her and her accomplishments. She's battled many of life's toughest challenges and does it with grace, honesty, and humor. Check out her honesty and hard work at her blog. Hugs, Becky! And thank you for your warmth, and kindness.

So NOW what am I going to do with this blog? WELL! I have decided I LOVE this idea of being accountable everyday to all of you. So, I've decided to continue this journey until I reach my ultimate goal.

I Want To Wear A Bikini On My Honeymoon.

Yup.

I haven't worn a bikini since 2002 when I lost a bunch of weight using a pill product no longer sold in the USA because it contained Norepinephrine. I was thin, but I was NOT in shape. I looked drawn and sickly and not well.

This time I am doing it right. Workouts, healthy eating and no pills. All natural. All me.

Before that? I wore a bikini when I was four years old. No joke. That's it! So, this time, as a healthy adult, I want to wear a bikini and feel GREAT about it.

My wedding is June 19th 2010. I believe I have about 12 - 15 pounds (or about 3-4 sizes) before I will feel comfortable parading around in the barely nude.

Ready for this next ride in the process? Me too! Let's rock and roll!

Weight-loss to date: 6.8 lbs!

Today's Goal: Take my multi-vitamin = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Work out and get part one of the checklist done for the film!

Calories Consumed: 1067

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm up

42 minutes jog/run

(2 - 5 minute sprints; 5 - 1 minutes sprints --skaters--)

8 minute cool down/stretch

Strength Training:

50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)

50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)

50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)

Day 46 - Recovery and Domesticated

2010-01-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So today was my recovery day for this week. I always feel leary of taking a recovery day the day before a weigh-in but I knew I needed it. Besides, Jon and I had a ton of domestic crap to do around the house. One of which was vacuum. Oh lord, it is not fun trying to do ab and strength training and stretching on our awful carpet, especially when it needs to be vacuumed!

Jon made a great dinner and we pretty much took it easy most of the evening. It was a fairly uneventful day all around. Work was only slightly stressful, so all in all it was a good day to rest.

I would have liked to have gotten in all my water, but that didn't happen. I also realized I've been forgetting to take my multivitamin again! ARGH! I have to get better about that. I think it adds to my exhaustion.

Today's Goal: Get some domestic things done. Take the day as recovery. Drink my water. 80 oz.

Success/Fail (got the domestic stuff done, took the day as recovery, only drank 60 oz)

Tomorrow's Goal: take my multivitamin

Calories Consumed: 1051

Workout: None - recovery

Day 45 - Overwhelmed and Under-funded

2010-01-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

So today started out ok. Work was a bit stressful but nothing that felt so awful I couldn't handle it. That was good.

I spent a good portion of the day mapping out my plans for the next few months, mentally. I guess it would make more sense to write these things down. But, I have this weird inability to write something down unless I really know I can/will get to it. Some of these things I've "mapped" are just abstract ideas/hopes. To write them down cements them in a way I'm not necessarily ready for.

One of the things I had time to work on was our honeymoon. My sister-in-law's mom is a travel agent. A really good one. She helped get my cousin and his wife a spectacular 7-day honeymoon for a fantastic price. I'm hoping she can do the same for us! She and I have played email tag for a while and she threw out some great ideas but then asked the question: "So what is your budget"?

Um.

Yeah...

Um.

We don't have one?

We are very slowly putting money into savings. We have sacrificed some things in order to have SOME kind of savings. It's very tough when we are paying off student loans, bills, etc. and STILL can't make ends meet each month. But slowly and surely we are working it out.

But we definitely don't have enough in savings for a honeymoon.

Yet.

I threw out an arbitrary number in hopes it would be enough to get what we want.

I just hope we only have to put 1/2 the money down. That we could cover! The rest, well, we'll have to do some more saving for that!

By the time I got home I was freezing and exhausted. Jon had had a horrible day at work and was really stressed out. I pushed myself to do my workouts (watched a great episode of the West Wing) but my brain/heart etc. wasn't really into it.

It's weird. I seem to have one day on that's a good workout day. Energized, feeling good, etc. And then the next day is just off! I'm exhausted and unable to complete all tasks. The ping-pong effect is frustrating and tiresome. By the time I'd finished my workout and showered, I was worn out! And it didn't help that Jon and I realized we have so much to do before I start filming this weekend. There's a lot of domestic crap on our plates.

One task at a time, I guess. Trying to stay "whelmed" instead of overwhelmed.

Today's Goal: Do a full workout = Success/Fail. (I did all the components of the full work out, but my cardio was lacking in time)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get some domestic things done. Take the day as recovery. Drink my water. 80 oz.

Calories Consumed: 1020

Workout:
        Cardio:
             3 minutes warm up
             30 minutes jog/run
            (7 intervals of push-ups -- 5 - 10 push-ups/ 2 - 20 push-ups)
             8 minutes cool down/stretch

         Strength Training:
              100 push-ups
              100 regular crunches
              100 reverse crunches
              100 oblique crunches (each side)
              100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
              100 plie pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 44 - Inspiration and Perspiration

2010-01-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

So today was awesome! Work was "meh" but after work was awesome!

First, I got 60 oz of water in before 5pm today! AND I had filled up the water bottle again to have for my work out! I knew I'd hit that 80 oz today and I totally did! I smashed it! I filled the water up AGAIN for dinner! So all in all I probably got 90 oz in today. GO ME.

Second, my workout was awesome! Yes, I watched another episode of the West Wing! And I did my cardio. I did a different grouping of sprints and I really enjoyed it. Man, the West Wing totally helps get me through my cardio. :) I'll have to find another show to take its place when I finish the series!

Third, I finished the cardio well enough before 7pm which was my ultimate goal. Today was the first episode of Season 9 of The Biggest Loser. If you wanna talk about inspiration. Wow. These people and the challenges and the entire process blows me away. Jon and I don't have TiVo or a working VCR so Tuesdays are really my day to be certain I can unwind and watch my ONE important reality show. I cried at least 7 times last night. There's so much pain, but there is so much accomplishment too! LOVE THAT.

I finished my strength training during the first hour of the show. Jon made dinner and we watched the weigh-ins.

After that we caught up on the news via MSNBC and Keith Olbermann/Rachel Maddow and then bed! Really great day. I felt fantastic. :)

Today's Goal: Drink 80 oz of water = SUCCESS!!!!

Tomorrow's Goal: Do my full workout

Calories Consumed: 1080

Workout:
        Cardio:
              3 mintues warm up
              45 minutes jog/run/invis. jump rope/skaters
             (5 - 1 minute sprints - skaters)
             (2 - 5 minute sprints - invis. jump rope/fast-runs)
              8 minute cool down

         Strength Training:
              50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
              50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
              50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
              50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
              50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)

Day 43 - Fatigue and Breathing

2010-01-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 4, 2010

So today just felt like a day of failure. I know it wasn't that bad but it sure felt like it. I was exhausted at work and felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything. I kept getting phone calls and getting caught in situations I am not equipped to handle and feeling like a jerk because I had to continually say, "I'm sorry but Paul will be back in the office on Monday, January 11th. He will be able to help you then".

Nothing frustrates me more than not having answers or a resource for my answers when working in a job. I love the alone-factor except when I don't have anyone to call in case of a situation I can't readily deal with. I do have a supervisor and he's really nice, but he doesn't know the ins and outs of the job so he can't easily assist me on most things. I've found myself having to bother Paul in Poland while he's on vacation way more than I ever wanted to.

By the time Jon Wolter showed up, (he gets off at 4:30 and this office is in walking distance to his office so I give him a ride home), I was absolutely ready to get out of dodge.

I was actually looking forward to and dreading my pending workout.

Looking forward to it because:

I often get a nice boost of energy once I begin
I was planning on watching the West Wing while doing cardio (yay)
It wasn't being at work!

Dreading it because:

I was completely exhausted
It's a WORKOUT - it's not usually altogether the most fun time I've had
It's a mental game - and that is also exhausting
It's nearly impossible to workout at home and not notice how cluttered our apartment is

I turned on the West Wing and began the cardio, like normal. But nothing, I mean NOTHING I did was making this workout happen for me. I was running slower, I was mentally not there. I tried gearing myself up, I tried infusing push-ups in the middle of the cardio to give me some sweat and a boost, change it up. Nope. By the time I hit 30 minutes I knew I had very little left in me. I eked out 35 minutes and I had had it. So I ended the workout.

I did stretch and cool down. I was definitely feeling disappointed in myself but, seriously, my body was telling me, "This is all I've got today. I'll give you what I have when I have it. This is what you get today. Put me to bed soon, please."

I decided to just breathe.

Recently I've increasingly become interested in the different types of meditation. I have a brain that doesn't shut up or quiet down, easily. So usually a guided meditation is a better type for me. However, I decided to take 2 minutes and just breathe. I sat on the floor, closed my eyes and breathed. It was quite refreshing, although my brain wouldn't keep still. I concentrated on my breath and just focused on relaxing my muscles and feeling the stress drain away.

It was lovely. I finished up by doing 1/2 of the abs I normally do and just didn't even consider the legs. Once done, I crawled into a bath and Jon was making dinner. I got out and we watched one of my new favorite shows, Men of a Certain Age on TNT. There were a few Rocky references in the show and with one of them they show a similar image from the film where Rocky is standing with his arms up in the air.

I realized, tomorrow will be a better day.

Today's Goal: drink 80 oz of water = FAIL (I drank 60 oz )

Tomorrow's Goal: drink 80 oz of water. Yup I'm throwing it back in there. Tomorrow is a different day.

Calories Consumed: 1192

Workout:
        Cardio:
             3 minutes warm-up
             35 minute jog/run/skaters
            (3 - 1 minute sprints)
             8 minutes cool down stretch

        Strength Training:
             100 push ups
             50 regular crunches
             50 reverse crunches
             50 oblique crunches (each side)

Day 42 - Freezing and Blue Agave syrup

2010-01-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 3, 2010

So today started out like a great Sunday morning. I had no major obligations in the early part of the day and I was lazily getting myself out of bed to get going.

I worked out to The West Wing. We have the episodes on the computer but I am just getting through the series for the first time. Love this show. It really makes the workout go so much faster! For those who are interested, I'm in season 5, Episode 19.

I've rediscovered tea, again. It tends to happen during the ridiculously freezing cold winters of Chicago. I remember just how comforting a nice cup of tea would be and am always thrilled to have it warming up my hands.

However, The Chicago Diner has introduced me to a new love. Blue Agave nectar/syrup. Um, seriously this stuff is off the chains! It tastes like a buttery honey syrup but has a low glycemic index (yay for me!) and is the same calories as raw honey! Yet, it's so sweet you can use less and still have an amazing flavor! I feel like the blue agave plant reached down and patted my head in a loving gesture and showed me the ways of the future! AMAZING.

So, yes, I have that in my tea or in my organic peanut butter (it's never sweet enough for me), or on toast. Mmmmm. It's a must-try!

After all that I went to rehearsal at the location of many of our scenes for the film. Amazing. So much fun. A couple of us were there and we did some improv with our characters. It was a blast. :)

Tomorrow, work work work! 1 more week! Next weekend is the film! Woo hoo! I'm going to try and keep up the blog, though. I like having this blog to reflect and keep an account of my workouts and progress.

Today's goal: 2- 5 minute sprints during cardio = SUCCESS! (thanks West Wing!)

Tomorrow's goal: drink 80 oz of water

Calories Consumed: 1176

Workout:
       Cardio:
              3 minutes warm up
              47 minutes jog/run/invis jump rope/ football drills
              (2 - 5 minute sprints)
               8 minutes cool down/stretch

        Strength Training:
              50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
              50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
              50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
              50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
              50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

Day 41 - The unknown and Calories

2010-01-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

Saturday, January 2, 2010

So today I realized I am going to have trouble remembering to type or write 2010 or '10 on anything for a while. I usually can get it down by June and then have about 6 good months before having to revamp my brain to the new date. This was much easier when I was younger! ;)

I slept in. And I liked it.

Then reality hit and I realized that not only did I have to work out, but it was a night out with the family to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday! (Her actual birthday is tomorrow but it was the best night to get everyone together!).

So up I went to work out. It went well today. Maybe those extra calories last night helped? Eh, too soon to tell. Either way, I got through it and Jon and I showered and headed to the 'burbs to dinner.

We made a few stops along the way (looking for costume pieces for the film and for Jon to trade-in/buy some new games for our amazing state-of-the-art gaming system...Playstation 2! (For those of you who aren't avid gamers, this system is definitely NOT state-of-the-art anymore. It came out in 2000).

We had dinner at P.F. Chang's and everyone wanted to eat "family style". This can pose a slight problem for me because I am eating "unclean" food (that wasn't prepared at home with little oil/butter, etc) and somewhat out of my control on how healthy it is.

I did my best in choosing the healthiest I could and avoided things that were deep fried or had too much sauce, etc. I approximated my calories, and I think I was "close" but it's really not my favorite way to eat. I also ended up going over my calories more than I intended to. But not terribly.

After we got home I wanted to watch Paranormal Activity to see what the hype was about. It was definitely an intriguing movie. I'd give it a thumbs up for freaking me out, psychologically. Jon and I kept the lights on for a while and then watched a few Family Guy's to get it out of our systems. :) That helped.

Tomorrow! Informal rehearsal for the film. :)

Today's Goal - eat 1350 calories = Success AND fail (I ate more than 1350 but I at least ate 1350...)

Tomorrow's Goal - 2 - 5 minute sprints during cardio

Calories Consumed: 1435

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   45 minutes jog/run/invis jump rope
   (2- 5 minute sprints)
   8 minutes cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   100 push ups
   1 round Pilates 100
   100 regular crunches
   100 reverse crunches
   100 oblique crunches (each side)
   100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
   100 plie pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 40 - Weigh-in week 6 and movies

2010-01-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 1, 2010

So today is NEW YEARS DAY! YAY! We made it to 2010! :) This is going to be a great year for me. I can feel it. I'm making positive changes in my life all around. I will be leading a happier and more productive life. :) Yay me!

So, the weigh-in. Surprisingly, I lost 2 oz. Again! While I'm THRILLED I actually lost weight considering I thought I might gain, I'm slightly confused as to why the weight is slowing down so much.

I'm thinking about trying an experiment and eating a few extra calories per day.

I wanted to get an idea of how many calories I was expending for my workouts. In most cases, if I do my jog/run for 45 minutes I'm expending about 370 calories. And for the weight-lifting I'm probably expending about 140. So that means about 510 calories, give or take. So, I need to be eating enough to cause a deficit but still not be in starvation mode, right?

I still have no idea how much I should be eating with the deficit. I THINK it's about 1200? Maybe? Ugh. I'm only 5'2". Maybe I DO need to go see a nutritionist to make sure I'm doing everything correctly. I know the food I'm eating is really good. It's clean and almost always fresh/homemade. I almost never eat processed food and I don't eat fast food. So, all in all, I should be looking great, right?

Anyhow, that's the next step. I have to try and shake things up a bit. Maybe my body thinks I'm starving it. As much as I'm afraid to add calories, I think I need to. At least for a week and see how it fairs.

Jon and I have been watching movies all day. He made Hopping John and collards. MMMMM! His collards are fantastic. For those of you who know southern cooking you know, traditionally, Hopping John and collards are made with pork. I don't eat pork (I'm strangely allergic), so Jon made me a vegetarian version! He's so wonderful. And the food was amazing.

You eat these things on New Year's Day. The Hopping John is for luck and the collards are for money! I could use both of those things this year! Go 2010!

After that, we spent the afternoon and evening watching movies and just hanging out together. A perfect start to the new year!

Today's Goal: Jump back into the workout adding 12 lbs for the upper body = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Focus on getting 1350 calories -

Calories Consumed: 1171

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm up
   47 minutes jog/run/invis jump rope
   (5 - 2 minute sprints)
   8 minutes cool down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
   50 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
   50 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
   50 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)

I did my entire upper body with 12 lbs in each hand! I rock! :)

Day 39 - New Years Eve and Recovery

2010-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 31, 2009

So today is New Years Eve! Work sucked. There was a problem with security in the mail room and towards the end of my day I was stressed and dealing with building issues. It was not a pretty day to start my happy jaunt into 2010.

But like everything else, it ended and I left.

This week has been slightly stressful. I've been waiting on some news that I wasn't able to get until 4pm today. The news would either be a relief or potentially bad. Upon arriving home I got the news and, thankfully, it was GOOD news!

But, the week of stressing, I think, caused me to have mild setbacks in my weight-loss. I've been working on staying unstressed as often as possible. Trying different tactics to keep my anxiety down and keep myself on an even keel. It's worked some of the time. But this week it just wasn't my week.

I will be blown away if the scale shows a loss of any kind tomorrow. Blown away.

Mostly because of a few factors:
1. I have been stressed.
2. I have been emotional.
3. I was not as awesome on my salt intake as I could have been
4. I upped my weights to 12 lbs for somethings which means muscle is growing

All of these factors could contribute to the scale.

I've been feeling bloated too. But I know that's to be expected here and there. All I can do is just keep up my weekly routine and trust that my body is changing even if the scale isn't showing it.

I expect setbacks, I am just trying to not feel like a failure when they happen. Although, they haven't happened yet. Tomorrow will tell exactly how/if I need to improve.

As far as doing a workout, I decided that Jon and I haven't had a night where we can just relax and watch a movie. So we did. I chose to make this day a complete recovery day. NO WORKOUT. We did our laundry and just decided to kick back, watch a movie and then wait for midnight!

It was a blast! Perfect evening.

Today's Goal: Do 3 2 minutes sprints = FAIL (well, because today became recovery day)

Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into the workout again adding the 12 lbs to the upper body

Calories Consumed: 1206

Workout = NONE (recovery)

Here's to a brand new year! Yay for 2010! I get to get married this year!!!!!! :)

Day 38 - Energy and Competition

2009-12-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

So today I rolled out of bed with minutes to spare to get to work. I don't know how it happened! Thank goodness I'd packed my lunch the day before because I needed any extra moments to feed the dog and grab my stuff together before nearly being late.

As it happened, I forgot to bring utensils for my lunch and snacks. This wasn't as awful as it could have been since Jon'd made these personal gluten-free 8" pizza's last night. I ate 1/2 of mine, thinking I'd bring the other half for lunch. This was, essentially, finger food so that wasn't too bad. I just couldn't eat my greenbeans nor could I eat the veggie casserole. Thankfully I had 2 oranges. Ah! Food you can eat with your hands, solely!

It sufficed.

I drank a ton of water today too. 80 oz!! :)

So, my energy has been sort of blech lately. I don't drink coffee and I really try to eat clean, healthy food, but for some reason I'm not feeling the pep. Although, I feel less "sluggish" than when I wasn't watching my portions or eating anything I wanted.   So I'm not sure if its too little on calories or too little on protein or something. I'm just not certain where it lies. It's like I have to "rev up" to do my workouts. And I do get them done, they just feel like they are often endless!

I have noticed when I am in a competition, I will try and do my best to win. Especially if I enjoy the activity or enjoy the "battle". A good example of this would be the game Cribbage. I like that game. I like games in general. However, I think because it's just for fun, I don't get emotionally involved. I used to. But, what irks me is the competitive nature of some of my friends. I find it can get in the way of my journey. I'm fairly supportive of someone when they are trying to accomplish something. I send out love and strength and kind words. However, I'm noticing there are people who are incredibly supportive and I really thank them for their awesome words of encouragement. They mean THE WORLD to me. But others have made less-than-supportive comments like, "Oh now, why would you need to lose weight"? Or, "Don't become anorexic!" Or, "Don't make me pig out alone!" Sometimes they just press me for information (like wanting to know the number of my actual weight), which make my instincts perk up and ask why they want to know? Why is that particular information relevant?

Now, I don't want to say these people are all toxic or bad. I think I've gotten rid of those types of people long ago. But as far as feeling comfortable with disclosure on information or process or what have you, I find I'm playing close to the vest.

Upon discussing the idea of competition, I notice these people to be proud of their competitive nature. And I think some competition is healthy. Some. I think some competition is destructive. I don't want to feel compelled to compare weight/size/calories. I think it breeds a bad ground for support and love. Can't we all just agree we're on our own journey? It's not about who got there first but that we all get there at our own time?

I know I'm unique in that I'm blogging, daily, about this approach. I guess, along with the personal demons I face I also have to learn how to handle the other people in my life.

The one thing about getting involved with the self, is it makes it easy to not make time for everyone else. That was my modus operandi. But, balance is the key. Time for me AND time for others.

I know I'll accomplish this. It just feels awkward so far. Sort of like a puppy with big feet trying to negotiate walking/running.

On the really plus side: I moved to doing 12 lbs each hand for all my leg squats!! :)

Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Do three 2 minute sprints for cardio

Calories Consumed: 1148

Workout:
         Cardio:
              3 minutes warm up
              42 minutes jog/run/kick/invis.jump rope
              (4- 2 minute sprints)
              8 minutes cool down/stretch

        Strength Training:
               50 push ups
               Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min
               100 regular squats (12 lbs each hand)
               100 regular pulsed squats (12 lbs each hand)
               100 plie squats (12 lbs each hand)
               100 pulsed plie squats (12 lbs each hand)

Day 37 - Marketing and Skype

2009-12-30T09:19:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So today was my last late day at this job. On Tuesdays, the manager usually works from 11am - 7pm. They didn't bother to tell me that when I was hired for the job. I worked it out so I did come in 11-7 last Tuesday and this one. But next week, I am working 9-5 all 5 days. Getting off on the schedule has messed up my sleep patterns.

Case in point: Today!

I got up early to do my cardio. I was pretty darn exhausted but I made it through. I rediscovered TLC on our basic cable network and got pathetically sucked into "Toddlers and Tiaras". Wow. Just, wow. Why do these people even HAVE kids? They should just get dolls and dress them up! But I digress...

So I busted out the cardio and quickly showered, got my food together, fed the dog, made the bed, etc. and ran out of the house to START my 8 hour work day.

While I was there the day felt ENDLESS. The only thing that got me through was using the time after 5pm as a chance to work on marketing for my voice over demos. I am preparing to send out the postcards and I'm thrilled to start this process! It's taken a LOT of preparation, but I know it will work out in the end. I just have to keep at it. :)

So accomplishing a lot of that was very helpful to my mood. It wasn't, however, very helpful for my exhaustion! By the time I arrived home, wonderful Jon Wolter had cleaned the rabbit hutch and the chinchilla hutch, alone. I felt terrible not helping him but I was so tired I just wanted to crawl into bed! I decided I would just suck it up and make today a cardio only day and jump back in tomorrow. Sometimes you just have to allow your body to tell you what it needs.

After dinner, Jon got "Skyped" by our buddy Jon Taie in Boston. It was really nice to see him. Yay for new technology! We laughed a lot and joked about the wedding and him coming to that. It was a blast. I ended up saying goodnight around 10:30pm. I was hoping a good night's sleep would be in the cards for me!

Today's Goal: Get the cardio done before work - SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back in the workout routine - abs/legs tomorrow

Calories Consumed - 987

Workout:
      Cardio:
           3 minutes warm up
           40 minutes jog/run/kick/shadow boxing/invis. jump rope
           4 - 1 minute jump/sprints

      Strength Training: NONE

Day 36 - Temping and Tired

2009-12-29T12:04:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 28, 2009

So today was back to the temp job. It's been ok so far. Not too difficult, although I tend to get frustrated when I don't have answers to questions. I like being able to solve problems and often I feel like I'm bugging people with the answers more than I "should" because I've encountered something I'm just not equipped to deal with.

But, I don't want that to preclude me from being asked back to work here again. The money is decent and the work isn't awful. Again, I do like that I'm pretty much by myself and there's no one looking over my shoulder. As exhausting as the work can sometimes be, I do MUCH better by myself.

I found myself in a frustrating situation when I received a call from my supervisor who works at the main office in the city. Here's how the conversation started:

Supervisor: "Hello Ali, how was your Christmas?"

Me: "Oh it was great, thanks! How was yours?"

Supervisor: "It was good. Look, Ali, you have to keep the office door open."

Me: stunned silence "Um...oh! Ok. Sorry I--"

Supervisor: "Yeah, the residents are calling to complain the door is closed and they don't know you are open"

Me: "Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I actually put a note on the door that says, "PLEASE KNOCK. WE ARE OPEN"

Supervisor: "Yeah, I need you to keep it open, regardless"

Me: "Oh well, sorry, I mean, it gets really cold in this office and [the manager] said during training it was ok to do that as long as I put up a note saying we were here and open. But that's ok, I'll just leave the door open"

Supervisor: "Oh. It's cold?"

Me: "Yeah, that's the only reason the door's been closed. I have only left the office twice. To go to the bathroom."

Supervisor: "Well, can you keep the door propped open a little?"

Me: "Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll just deal with it. No worries."

Supervisor: "Thank you."

So, yeah, that is just an inkling of how the day went. I was here until 5:30 (I'm usually off at 5pm) dealing with a stupid issue. UGH!

By the time I got home I was in NO MOOD to work out. But I did. I think I got about 68oz of water in. So that's good, I guess. I was shooting for 80 but it wasn't in the cards.

I also had to truncate my cardio. I was beat.

BUT!!! We bought 12 lb weights this weekend and I added them in to my upper body routine! And tomorrow I'll add them to the lower! YAY!

Fingers crossed for an uneventful rest of the week!

Today's Goal: Drink more water = SUCCESS/FAIL (my internal goal was to drink 80 oz. I didn't quite get there. But I got about 68oz so that's much better than I've been in previous days. So I don't feel too awful)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get the cardio done before work. (late starting time at the job)

Calories Consumed: 957

Workout:
      Cardio:
          3 minutes warm-up
          30 minutes jog/run/invisible jump rope/kicks/shadow box
          (4 - 1 minutes sprints)
          8 minutes cool down/stretch

     Strength Training:
         50 push ups
         50 back rows (15 lbs each hand)
         20 biceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
         30 biceps curls (10 lbs each hand)
         20 triceps curls (12 lbs each hand)
         30 triceps curls (10 lbs each hand)
         20 shoulder press (12 lbs each hand)
         30 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)
         20 chest flies (12 lbs each hand)
         30 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)

Day 35 - Plan and Decide

2009-12-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 27, 2009

So today Jon and I planned to go to Target and finish up some shopping we'd been meaning to get done for a couple of weeks. We woke up at a decent hour and I decided I wanted to workout first so I could have the evening to just chill out. It was a good plan!

Got my entire workout in and then we finished up our crazy shopping trip. We have a few last minute gifts to send out and then we are finished!

I have decided to try and make a general list for the week in hopes that I can feel a bit more organized in my weekly scheduling. Some of it is for the apartment (chores Jon and I have to get done but always find overwhelming when they've not been planned), and some are career/work/personal oriented. Just for me.

I'm hoping having a list will help to keep me focused. There are definitely days when I feel like I am barely making it through, time-wise, and I have had to avoid seeing people to make sure I'm getting my workouts/food/chores in. I think with a little extra planning I will be able to coordinate things so that if there's a spontaneous get-together I can actually meet up with someone. Which would be nice! :)

Jon and I have started filling out a book called "All About Us". It's a neat little book that has questions and blanks that we fill out together and helps to facilitate conversation(s) about our relationship. In most cases we've realized we've discussed these things but it's nice to have confirmation that feelings haven't changed or our understandings were just assumptions. Etc. It's been a neat thing to do to prepare for this marriage thing. :)

Other than that, all is well here. :)

Today's Goal: Get back in the workout routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: DRINK WATER! (I don't think I'm drinking enough. Stomach pains/heartburn and headaches are probably a good indicator I'm not.)

Calories Consumed: 1047

Workout:
   Cardio:
   3 minutes warm-up
   45 minutes jog/run/kicks/invisible jump rope
   (6 minutes of sprints/ 4 minutes of kicks)
   8 minutes of cool-down/stretch

   Strength Training:
   Slim in 6pack abs - 11 minutes
   100 regular squats (10 lbs each hand)
   100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)
   100 plie squats (10 lbs each hand)
   100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each hand)

Day 34 - Recovery and Friendship

2009-12-27T11:10:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 26, 2009

So today was a lovely day! Jon and I went to meet our friends K and Lori for lunch! It was BLISSFUL! We had a fantastic time and I made great choices with my meal.

In catching up, I realized how far I've come in a short time. I know I still have a long journey ahead of me. Pretty much a lifetime since I believe we are always able to learn and grow. But, I'm seeing myself approach life and love and people in a better and healthier way.

This makes me happy. :)

It warms my heart to know that my dear friends give their "stamp of approval" on Jon Wolter. I know he's wonderful and I am so lucky he's in my life. But it helps to know that my friends agree. Especially since with my ex, no one really liked him and EVERYONE thought it was a mistake that I was marrying him. Except me. This time, I've asked for reactions and, even when I haven't, they've been consistently positive. This makes me happy. I like knowing that the people who have my back think my intended is a good choice. :) I like that they like him. :)

Today was a full recovery day for workout. I will replenish and return tomorrow!

Todays' Goal: Make healthy choices at lunch = SUCCESS! (Got a salad -balsamic dressing on the side- with salmon)

Tomorrow's Goal: Jump back into my workout routine

Calories Consumed: 840

Workout = NONE - recovery

Day 33 - Weigh in week 5 and Christmas Dinner

2009-12-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 25, 2009

So today was a weigh-in day. I'd been not feeling 100% this week, what with my moods and feeling like ick most of the week. I would not have been surprised if I didn't lose any thing. I would have been disappointed but not surprised.

As it goes, I lost 2 ounces. Not too bad. I'm obviously slowing down in the weight loss "frenzy". I know that happens, but it's slightly frustrating. My friend, Adam, (who has done an IRONMAN - yeah, I KNOW! ) tells me it's possible I'm not eating enough calories so my body isn't cooperating as well as it should/could. I'd LOVE to think he's right. It'd be nice to have the ability - nay - the NEED to eat more calories.

He says there's a fancy scale that can measure fat percentage and hydration as well as weight. That could give a more accurate look at what is going up and down. In other words, if my body fat is going up even if my weight is going down, that actually means I need to eat MORE calories because my body is holding onto the fat because it thinks I'm in starvation mode. Weird! So, maybe I will get ahold of this fancy schmancy scale. :) Thanks for the tip, Adam! You rock!

Tonight we had dinner at my Mom's house for Christmas. It was really fun! My mom is always coming up with crazy fun things to add to the fun of the celebration. This time she claimed Santa had visited and brought a gift for everyone. It was a lottery ticket! So everyone got a ticket and everyone promptly lost. It was great, though! :)

I was as careful as I could be on my calories and I even had a glass of wine and a very small piece of the amazing chocolate cake my mom baked.

I came home after dinner and worked out. Yes I did. Go me!

All in all, a very successful and fun holiday!

Today's Goal: Do not feel guilty = SUCCESS! I was careful and took what I wanted and ate it happily!

Tomorrow's Goal: Make good choices at lunch (having lunch with K and Lori!)

Calories Consumed: 1183

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

45 minutes jog/run/shadow box/kicks

(6 one-minute sprints)

8 minutes cool-down and stretch

Strength Training

5o push ups

50 biceps curls (10 lbs each hand)

50 triceps curls (10 lbs each hand)

50 chest flies (10 lbs each hand)

50 shoulder press (10 lbs each hand)

Day 32 - Joy and Reading

2009-12-24T11:00:00.001-08:00

Thursday, December 24, 2009

So today has been a very "chill" day at work. Very few distractions via phone/email and pretty much all around quiet.

It's given me time to read. Which I adore! I almost never carve out time in my day to do it. I always think I "should" be doing something else. Working on this monologue or sending out this thing for my business...etc. I live in a world of "shoulds" when I have so many "wants".

Truthfully, this job has allowed me the time to read and that makes me so grateful. When I fall into a story I am totally transported. I live the emotions they live, I anticipate their reactions and feelings. It's like I am experiencing the story along with them. It's an investment. Not just of time, but of emotion.

When I complete a book and the story ends (no sequel, or I've finished all the sequels), I'm actually depressed for a while. I feel like I've lost the people. They've "left" so to speak, to go live their lives. It's something I've also experienced with films and TV shows, in some cases. But it's never as heartbreaking as with books. I think it's because I am reading about every nuance and thought and I'm right there breathing with them.

Like I said, an investment. :)

This has been a much better holiday for me than recent years. I've learned so much about myself and my strength. I used to tell my teacher, K Spang, that I understood that I had "things to get through". The fact that I had the knowledge that I had issues should have been enough, right? I figured if I saw my problems, labled them, saw them clearly well, then, I should be allowed to avoid the suffering of FEELING them or going through the process of dealing with them for real. K Spang would say, "Ali, you keep seeing that door and just desperately want to be on the other side of it". I'd say, "YES!" And she'd say, "Well, here's the deal. By acknowledging the problem you've only just NOTICED the door. Now you have to start working your way towards it. You just want to fly through it. It doesn't work that way".

And she was right.

So this holiday season I am really enjoying my time staying warm and close and happy and grateful for love and laughter and joy. Joy is an emotion that I have felt guilty for feeling for so long. I'm not going to feel guilty feeling joy tonight. Maybe that should be my goal for tomorrow. Mom's making dinner and I don't want to feel any guilt. So that's my goal.

Thank you for sticking with my crazy rants of blog-i-tude. Your continued support is incredible. This journey is a good one. Hard, but good. I thank you. And I wish you a glorious happy holiday eve!

Today's Goal: Drink 80 oz of water + Take multi-vitamin = Fail/success (took the vitamin - had about 65-70 oz, but I wasn't too disappointed)

Tomorrow's Goal: Feel no guilt.

Calories Consumed: 1087

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-ups

20 minutes jog/run

3 minutes cool-down

Strength Training:

Slim in 6pack abs routine - 11 min.

100 regular squats (10 lbs each side)

100 pulsed regular squats (10 lbs each side)

100 plie squats (10 lbs each side)

100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)

Day 31 - PMS? and Doc appointments

2009-12-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I. Am. Exhausted! I don't know if I'm not getting enough sleep, or the right sleep or the right kind of enough sleep, but I am dragging! It was an epic battle to get me out of bed this morning and get myself even remotely ready for work. I should not have been allowed out the door looking or wearing what I am currently wearing! Luckily, I did not forget to pack a lunch and snacks so I'm all set there.

I'm nervous about my ability to actually work out today. I may just fall into bed fully clothed and fall right back to sleep! I mean, if that's the case, then obviously my body needs it, but I'm feeling like I'm falling behind or something.

I've been irritable. Short-fused. Emotional (well, more than I usually am). I think I might have PMS. Which would account for my moods... BUT, what worries me is the scale. I KNOW it will either stay the same (minor horrors!), or INCREASE (TERRIFYING HORRORS!!!!!). I just have to trust that the scale is not my only means of measurement, (clothing and such) and to trust that once these weeks are over (the PMS and the actual week I menstruate) my body will go back to normal again. Right? RIGHT?????

Ugh. Exhausted AND paranoid.

I've heard that working out when you are PMS'ing is actually helpful. Yeah. I've never found that to be true. I have endometriosis and when the cramps hit, I hit the bed, fetal position, heavy advil and I whine mercilessly.

I'm a terrible patient. Because I'm impatient.

Poor Jon. I hope he doesn't have to deal with a tough month. Usually the worst of it only lasts a day or so. But it's not pleasant, regardless, for either of us. Although he takes it in stride. Good guy that he is. :)

To add to my complaining I'm going to make a freaking doctors list.

Jon and I really need to hit the doc's and I'm making sure that the money I'm making for these 3 weeks is delegated to our health. So...

-Gyno check up - ALI

-Get mammogram - ALI (already called for a prescription)

-Dentist cleaning - JON

-Dentist cleaning - ALI

-Dermatologist - JON

-Dermatologist - ALI

-Eye Doc check up - ALI

Today's Goal: Finish and send out holiday cards = SUCCESS/FAIL (finished them, didn't have enough stamps! Gotta do that tomorrow)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get 80 oz of water in + multi-vitamin

Calories Consumed: 1102

Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
50 minutes jog/run
(6 one-minute sprints)
8 minutes cool-down/stretch

Strength Training:
100 push ups
50 back rows (10 lbs each side)
50 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)
50 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)
50 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)
50 chest flies (10 lbs each side)

Day 30 - Alone and Normal

2009-12-22T14:34:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

So today I had a weird schedule with work. I wasn't told when I signed on to this job that Tuesdays would be from 11am - 7pm. I was taken aback by it at first, and then realized that except for the last week I work, this isn't too big of a deal. So that day I'll work 10 - 6. No big deal. :)

But it's a little odd.

However, it afforded me time to workout this morning and accomplish my daily goal! YAY! I DID get in my cardio AND my ab routine. All that's left is legs. I can do that after dinner! :)

My mom was telling me that all of her friends that have daughters have been having issues with them. The daughters tell them, (the mothers) that they don't know anything. Or they demand things or whatever. I am actually surprised. I mean, my mom's friends all have big personalities but I never would have thought they'd have such issues communicating with their daughters.

Jokingly, I asked what she says when her friends are complaining about their daughters. She, politically said, "Oh nothing! I don't have those problems". Good answer, Mom. :)

This office has me alone for a LOT of the time. I am cherishing this time. It affords me reflection and time to explore things that our crazy, busy lives don't usually allow. I used to hate/fear time without stimulation. It meant I had to just "be with my thoughts". That was horrifying!! Now, I like it. I look forward to it.

Well, along with the snow today, it's definitely getting festive in this city. I am wearing my new shoe-boots (they are so comfy. They form to your feet!) that I got as a gift. :) They are bright red! Absolutely festive! They make me smile!

I definitely fell off the wagon of doing my leg exercises. Having a late day at work left me utterly exhausted. I did well on the cardio front, adding an extra 5 minutes plus sprints so I'm feeling good about that. Hopefully my legs will understand my not working them out today.

Today's Goal: Try and get the cardio done in the morning before work = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Finish the holiday cards and get 'em sent out

Calories Consumed: 1154

Workout:
Cardio:
3 minutes warm-up
50 minutes run/jog
(5 one-minute sprints)
8 minutes cool-down stretch

Strength Training:
Slim in 6 ab routine (slim and 6pack -- 11 minutes)

Day 29 - Me first and addiction

2009-12-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 21, 2009

So today I had to work for this temp job I'm doing for 3 weeks. It's not a bad gig, actually. The residents are pleasant and the staff is really awesome and helpful.

I love that I am working by myself in this office. It's wonderful and "freeing" to not be watched all the time. I do have a supervisor I will check-in with when necessary but he works out of the corporate office.

I find that I'm identifying, in myself, certain behaviors and reactions that I'm not sure I was aware of. For example: I've noticed how much less anxiety I've felt recently. I don't know if it's from a clearer focus on what I actually want to do with my life or because of my more stable lifestyle.

I have surrounded myself with very addictive people while I stayed "unaddicted" or "the one you can count on". I was always surprising people when they realized I didn't have a true eating disorder, or alcoholism, or drug problem. Considering my abusive past and more recent relationships it did seem "not normal".

I believe I made myself anxious and crazy and found solace in helping others to the detriment of myself. I would take on charity cases and focus on them without ever having to focus on me. It's exhausting having to really take myself into account. I guess I never thought I was all that great to be around. I truly didn't like myself and couldn't understand why anyone else would like me.

When I looked at myself with a hard critics eye, I realized that I was really right about everything I thought. And I was jealous that others didn't have these "problems". It pissed me off. I finally realized I was my own self-fulling prophecy. I kept waiting for someone to tell me, "No, Ali, you're fine! You're great!". Funny thing was, people WERE telling me that. ALL THE TIME. I just didn't believe them. I believed this crazy idea in my head. I don't want that crazy idea to be right anymore. So the only thing I can change is how I approach things and my behavior, right? So, yeah.

This is part of the reason I started this blog. Yes, it was to be accountable to myself about how much I'm consuming and how much I'm working out. But, also, I know what I've done for 33 years hasn't worked. So it was time to try it a different way.

My ex pushed me to walk away from our life and our wedding two months before the date. He manipulated me and kept my dog, claiming he'd take me to court and win since his father is a lawyer. He tugged at every heartstring I had and then would push me away and ignore me, claiming "he needed space". I was miserable, but I thought it was love.

It wasn't love. It was addiction.

Ugh, there is SO much more I could go on about with this one. Suffice it to say, going "cold turkey" on an addiction is really really hard. It doesn't help that I suffer every day and miss my dog. However, I know it's the best compromise given the circumstances.

I see what a stable life and real love really means with Jon. We have a true partnership. It's special and real and he doesn't try to manipulate my feelings by threatening to leave me or push me away to see how hard I'll try to fight back. We trust each other. There is no walking on eggshells or anxiety about how we deal with each other.

That is love. Sustainable and real love.

I'm trying not to regret anything. That's hard. Putting things in the past is not an easy thing for me. It's definitely still a process I'm working on.

That said, my day ended on a good note. We got all our errands done that we set out to do today. Dishes are done, animals are fed and I had a good workout. All in all a reflective but good day!

Today's Goal: Do my workout = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Try and get the cardio done in the morning before work

Calories Consumed: 1012

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

50 minutes (jog/run - with five 1 min. sprints)

8 minutes cool-down and stretch

Strength Training:

50 push-ups

50 back rows (15 lbs each side)

50 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)

50 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)

50 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)

50 chest flies (10 lbs each side)

Day 28 - Insomnia and stuck in the middle

2009-12-20T15:14:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 20, 2009

So today we were going with my mom and meeting with the videographer for the wedding. Before that, we were headed to my aunt's house for a "belated" Chanukkah party.

Party was great. I made good food choices and got some nice gifts. :)

The videographer looks like he will do a very nice job for the wedding. He's young, but knows the business very well. I like that.

On the way home I realized that my lack of sleep last night was REALLY catching up with me. I had so much energy yesterday I couldn't fall asleep. I stayed up reading. I finished my book and looked at the clock and it was 5 am! Woah!

So, with the lack of sleep and the late day, I decided to make this day my recovery day. And it's a good thing I did. I ended up falling asleep after Jon made dinner at 6:00! I slept until about 12:30 am, woke up, brushed my teeth and promptly fell back to sleep!

Earlier today Jon and I had a discussion about a friend of ours. I'm really worried about him. He's been making some decisions about his life that are worrisome. While Jon and I are equally concerned, I think, my emotional investment is more, in some ways. I feel guilty or responsible or something and it makes me sad/frustrated/angry. I don't really know how to get a handle on the feelings, lately. I guess it just sucks to watch someone not realize or see the mistakes they are making.

I suppose that's how my best friends felt when I was about to get married to my ex. They were silently screaming at me to see what they could clearly see. Actually, one of them was loud and clear and finally just had to walk away since she couldn't sit and watch me destroy myself (and my ex was quite a phenomenal asshole to her so it would have been detrimental for her to hang out with him, too).

Luckily for me after he was out of the picture, she and I reconciled. As horrible as it was to lose her, I realize why she had to do what she did. And I will ALWAYS be grateful for her being honest with me about why.

I am a coward. I should take a tip from my best friend and talk to this guy. But I feel like he's so down and out right now that the conversation would just add to the "badness". I don't see a good way to talk about this without it coming off crappy and preachy. Yet, I don't see a way to cut off from him without consequences.

I don't want to have to walk away.

I'm stuck in the middle of my emotional feelings about this one. It feels like I'm enabling if I physically help and it feels like I'm abandoning if I don't. I'm trying to, once again, find the balance of supporting without enabling. It's a really fine line! I kinda suck at it, actually. And, today, I pretty much fell apart in tears about the whole thing. I guess I can just encourage the good and discourage the bad and wait until he sees the situation for what it is, not what he thinks/hopes it is. And, honestly, I don't believe anything I could say WOULD make a difference.

It still sucks.

But I'm still working to take care of me, and that includes recognizing my successes as well as my not-so-successes (i.e. failures). I'm human.

Today's Goal: Get my water in - Fail (only got about 50 oz)

Tomorrow's Goal: Do my workout routine

Calories consumed: 959

Workout:

Cardio = None (recovery day)

Strength Training:

50 push-ups (did these earlier in the day)

Day 27 - Accomplished and Laundry room Christmas Carols

2009-12-20T15:03:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 19, 2009

So today was a pretty accomplished day! I love those. Of course, I know I'll never complete everything on my list every time. I am working on getting better at accepting that.

However, we took Sparky to the vet for his shot. I went to rehearsal and it was awesome! I came home and worked out. Then, Jon and I did laundry.

We each donned our festive head-wear: Me - Antlers with jingle bells

Him - Santa hat

Then we got caught kissing in the elevator. (tee hee!)

THEN we decided to fold the laundry down there and sing Christmas carols the whole time. It was a blissful night!

I am feeling very happy and loved today. :)

Today's Goal: Get everything accomplished on my list = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: get all my water in. Been slacking a bit

Calories Consumed: 707 (whoops)

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

46 minutes jog/run

8 minutes stretch

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (each side)

4 sets of Pilates 100's

100 regular squats (10 lbs each side)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)

100 plie squats (10 lbs each side)

100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)

Day 26 - Weigh-in week 4 and Pizza?

2009-12-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 18, 2009

So today I had a weigh-in....

I lost a pound! I was VERY excited for a number of reasons:

1. I had such a frustrating week workout wise - being sick and all

2. Any loss is a reason to celebrate

3. My weight is finally lower than psycho Tracy from Season 8 of The Biggest Loser was at the finale. It's petty but it makes me happy to beat her.

No, but really I am happy. :)

I've lost 5 lbs! That's pretty awesome, actually and I'm really proud of myself. It's not been easy to stick to this plan. Today, for example, there was a pizza party for the employees at the building I'm working at. I was invited. I thought I'd have a small slice of thin crust pizza. I did. Veggie. Then I had a second, just reasoning I would be careful how many calories I would have for dinner. Besides, I wasn't going to give up everything. I have to find that balance.

To be honest, the pizza wasn't that good. It definitely wasn't worth it. I had an awful stomach ache afterwards and felt like ick for the rest of the day.

Plus that was probably 300 calories and for not a lot of food. So, unless it's an epic piece of pizza, I don't need it. Or whatever it is. I mean, there were homemade brownies too! I just had to put my proverbial foot down, there. I just couldn't start with that. Not to say that I won't have a taste of things but I don't need a whole brownie right now.

I have a goal in mind. Eyes on the prize, or whatever.

Anyhow, I'm excited for our last rehearsal for the film, tomorrow, until we start shooting on Jan. 10th!

Today's Goal: Get some stretching in = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Get everything accomplished (workout/errands/laundry)

Calories Consumed: 900

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

46 minutes jog/run

7 minute cool-down/stretch

Strength Training:

100 push-ups

100 back rows (15 lbs each side)

100 biceps curls (1o lbs each side)

100 triceps curls (1o lbs each side)

100 shoulder press (1o lbs each side)

100 chest flies (1o lbs each side)

Day 25 - Training and a full work-out

2009-12-18T18:49:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 17, 2009

So today I was able to get a full work-out in. Man did that make me HAPPY! This cold sucked ass but it didn't linger like my 3 week flu did earlier this year! That was like evil visited me and had a party in my body. And I didn't have ANY fun.

Anyhow, I think I got most of my water in and I definitely got my vitamin in, yay! I'm slightly nervous about the weigh-in tomorrow, only because I had such a crappy workout schedule this week, being sick and all. But I'm just remembering that it's about balance and doing the best I can with what I've got. In this case, I got a cold. I needed to rest my body. It wasn't in the plans, but that's how it goes.

I started training for the 3 week temp gig I'm doing. The guy who is training me is very nice and really interesting. He's from Poland and is going back to visit family and friends for the holidays. I think the building is going to be fun to work at. Hopefully things will be very quiet. I like quiet.

I'm even more encouraged because they gave me keys to the garage so I can drive every day! Oh joy of joys! I get a parking space and everything. Sweet! I love Chicago, but I really hate the cold. I get cold when the apartment is 79 degrees. I freeze. I sleep in sweatpants and sweatshirts under two very warm blankets.

Cold hands warm heart? Sure, sure. :)

Today's Goal: Get moderate amount of workout in = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: do some stretching after workout

Calories Consumed: 1102

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes warm-up

46 minutes jog/run

5 minutes cool-down/stretch

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (each side)

4 rounds of Pilates 100

100 regular squats (1o lbs each side)

100 regular pulsed squats (1o lbs each side)

100 plie squats (1o lbs each side)

100 pulsed plie squats (1o lbs each side)

Day 24 - On the mend and Ready for work

2009-12-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

So today I woke up feeling awful, again. This stupid cold is just not being nice! I was really determined to get some workout in, again, today. I was frustrated for 2 days to not do any cardio.

So, I took some Excedrin and hoped the headache would go away. I bargained with myself to just do 5 minutes at a time. If it got to be too much I would stop.

I actually was able to hang on for 15 minutes at first. Then I slowed to 5 minutes at a time until I hit 30 minutes. Then I was pretty exhausted.

I did a bit of weights, not an intense amount but just enough to feel some burn.

Tomorrow I start training for a temp job I'm doing for 3 weeks. I hope it's not too stressful. I'm definitely looking forward to the money but not the work, if you get my drift.

Anyhow, here's to a nice place to work tomorrow without a lot of stress!

Today's Goal: Get in some workout = SUCCESS!

And I took my multi-vitamin (been good about that for 4 days in a row)

Tomorrow's Goal: Get a moderate amount of workout in. Both cardio and weights

Calories Consumed: 903

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minutes (warm-up)

30 minutes (run/jog)

Strength Training:

75 push-ups

30 back rows (15 lbs each side)

30 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)

30 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)

30 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)

30 chest flies (10 lbs each side)

Day 23 - Still sick and exhausted

2009-12-16T11:06:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

So today I had to get up early to go up to the suburbs. I had a very quick errand and then I planned to come home and workout.

Well.

After my errand I was so exhausted I basically fell asleep for a very long nap. Then Jon came home early and we both slept for a few hours.

This cold is kicking my ass.

I got NO cardio in AGAIN. And I'm just so tired and foggy-headed. Blech!

So, short entry, I guess.

Today's Goal: Get in 10 min of cardio = FAIL (too darned tired and hard to breathe)

Tomorrow's Goal: really watch the calories; try to get some workout in; drink water!

Calories Consumed: 1030

Workout:

Cardio: NONE

Strength Training:

50 regular crunches

50 oblique crunches

50 reverse crunches

2 rounds of the Pilates 100

100 regular squats (10 lbs each side)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs each side)

100 plie squats (10 lbs each side)

100 pulsed plie squats (10 lbs each side)

Day 22 - Sick and grateful

2009-12-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 14, 2009

So today I still felt like country-fried poop so I didn't get as much of a workout in as I'd have liked. I definitely did all my weights but did NOT do any cardio. Grrrrr. I really want to do cardio but I'm having trouble breathing as it is. Don't know how helpful gasping for air will be for me. Hopefully tomorrow... I've got to be on the mend, right?

I did, however, get all my voice over stuff done for this week. Tomorrow I think I can start prepping for the week 2 process. It's actually getting really fun to do this promoting thing. I can't tell you how helpful it's been to have a PROCESS. Marketing is NOT my strong suit so I need to know a step-by-step when it comes to anything about it.

I'm feeling grateful for some things these days:

my plant from Kristin's memorial is still alive
my father's tests were good (cancer hasn't grown)
people will surprise you, and I had a couple good ones today
Jon
Family
My sister-in-law and our new venture
My amazing friends who are wonderful
putting my needs first

These are just a few things but I thought they were appropriate.

Today's Goal: Get back on the workout routine = Success - mostly!

Tomorrow's Goal: Try to get at least 10 minutes of cardio in

Calories Consumed: 881

Workout:

Cardio: NONE

Strength Training:

100 push-ups

100 back rows (10 lbs each side)

100 biceps curls (10 lbs each side)

100 triceps curls (10 lbs each side)

100 shoulder press (10 lbs each side)

100 chest flies (10 lbs each side)

Day 21 - Chanukkah rushing and rehearsal

2009-12-14T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 13, 2009

So today was our annual family Chanukkah party. Jon and I dragged ourselves out of bed early in the morning and got ready to head to the suburbs.

Jon has been battling a cold for the last few days which is getting worse. I was feeling a little icky yesterday but, today, it's really starting to come out in force. That's not good.

Party was a success, but I had to rush out to get Jon home before my rehearsal for the film. I hate rushing around. It puts me in a state of utter anxiety and I have a tough time calming down before I have to get to my next thing. Normally, I've learned to not schedule myself so close, but this one couldn't be helped.

Rehearsal went great. I really love working with the director and chatting with the cast members. It's truly fun and inspiring.

By the time I left rehearsal, I was exhausted and sniffling a LOT. I felt terrible. I got NO workout in, and just wanted to crawl into bed. So, I didn't really eat a dinner. I had a snack! Not a great end to the day. Sickness completely derailed my plans to workout when I got home. :(

Oh well, hopefully a good night's sleep will help.

Today's Goal: Take my mulit-vitamin = SUCCESS!

Do cardio = Fail. (sickness, yo)

Tomorrow's Goal: if I'm not feeling sick, get back on workout routine track!

Calories Consumed: 1023

Workout = None

Day 20 - Changes and Chanukkah shopping

2009-12-13T06:31:00.001-08:00

Saturday, December 12, 2009

So today Jon and I had a TON of shopping to do for the family Chanukkah party scheduled for tomorrow morning. We ran around like crazy trying to fulfill the required list and had a pretty good time, considering the frustration factor!

Most wonderful, other than spending the day together, was getting to eat at Orange. I adore Orange. It is whimsical and fun and has amazing "frushi". (Fruit-sushi! A MUST try when visiting our fair windy city). I took home the bulk of my lunch expecting to eat it for dinner or breakfast/lunch on Monday.

Something was nagging at me most of the day. I'd had a dream the night before that wouldn't stop flashing in my mind:

I was invited to a very sparse OLD apartment by a friend. We were on a "break" from a seminar and were just looking for a place to rest before we had to be back in the main room. It was only too late that I realized my ex owned/lived in this place. While trying to make it as NOT awkward as possible when I saw him standing at an entrance that I didn't even

KNOW existed (you know how dreams are), holding a guitar (no clue why), I quickly got up and grabbed the bizarre project I was working on (with safety pins), and quickly fumbled my way out the door. On my strange jump down the steps I accidently jammed the pin into my thumb causing it to rip through the flesh. I was bleeding. A LOT. My friends, whom I'd been invited up to hang out, with had already gone back inside the seminar and I told them I'd catch them on the next break, but I needed to take care of this bleeding thumb. I searched for a sink, but the only one I KNEW of was the one in the weird apartment I'd been in for 2 hours. So back up the stairs I went hoping my ex would be gone. The door was cracked, I looked in and he was standing there naked (I only saw the side of him, but it was obvious he was not wearing clothes). So I walked quietly down the hall to a bench to wait until he left to go wash my thumb. He heard the floor boards creak and came busting out of the apartment with a towel on (thank goodness) and demanded: "WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

I tried to respond and he cuts me off: "NO! GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!" I show him my thumb and say, "I'm just looking for a sink to wash my thumb! As you can see it's bleeding!"

He says, "I DON'T F***ING CARE!" And then I woke up before I could retort.

It was weird.

When I have dreams about him, he's almost ALWAYS the sweetest, nicest guy. Proving he's changed and a better person. Or something. In this dream, I pretty much believe that's what would happen if he saw me today.

While I'm not sure why I had this dream or what it actually represents, I'm hoping my brain is taking the side of, "You made the right choice walking away", or something. Maybe the changes I'm making in my body are also, finally, working their way into my brain.

Or maybe I'm just afraid to awkwardly run into my ex.

Today's Goal: Make a healthy choice at lunch = SUCCESS!

Take my multi-vitamin = FAIL! I can't believe I forgot to take it!

Tomorrow's Goal: Try to get some cardio in (long long day tomorrow)

Take the multi-vitamin!!!

Calories Consumed: 881

Workout:

Cardio:

3 minute warm-up

45 minute (jog/run)

4 minute sprints (invisible jump rope)

3 minute cool-down

3 minute stretch

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches

4 rounds of Pilates 100

100 regular squats (10 lbs)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)

100 plie squats (10 lbs)

100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs)

Day 19 - Weigh-in Week 3 and Trust

2009-12-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 11, 2009

So today was a weigh-in day. I'm VERY happy to report I lost 2.2 lbs!!!! Huzzah! MUCH better than not losing last week, but I'm aware that sometimes my body is not always on the same time-table as I am. :)

To celebrate, I decided to work for my mom and plan out some Christmas/Chanukkah gifts. We're having our Chanukkah party on Sunday so I have to be finished with, at least, a few of those gifts by then!

I think today would be a good day to say that I use the word trust as a better depiction of how I feel I should "let go" than the word "faith". I find having "faith" usually starts me thinking about a whole mess of religious/spiritual things. If I say, "I'm just going to trust myself" or "trust my body will comply" I am not as unclear. Semantics can help when sifting through all the crap buried deep within the self and in the past. So, that's what I mean when I speak of "trusting myself". It helps me to stay focused and trust that I can do something.

Today's Goal: Be nice to myself at the weigh-in = SUCCESS! :)

Tomorrow's Goal: Make a healthy choice at lunch and take my multi-vitamin

Calories Consumed: 899

Workout:

Cardio:

46 minutes (jog/run, invisible jump rope)

3 - 1 minute sprints

3 minute warm up

3 minute cool down/stretch

Strength Training:

100 push-ups

50 back rows (15 lbs)

50 biceps curls (10 lbs)

50 triceps curls (10 lbs)

50 shoulder press (10 lbs)

50 chest flies (10 lbs)

Day 18 - Setting Goals and Recovery

2009-12-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 10, 2009

So today I accomplished many things. Although, none of them were workout related. I took my full day of recovery to the extreme. I slept late (I haven't picked up that 3 week temp job yet so I had the day off), and I cuddled with my dog a lot.

I did ALMOST finish one of my many Christmakkah gifts. Also, I started the process of sending out my promo materials for my website. That is definitely a process. I know I will get better/faster at it as the time goes by, but for now, it's a bit daunting!

Tomorrow is a fairly busy day. I'm "working" for my mom so I'm running errands for her business. Then Jon and I meet up with her and we go over the list for the wedding. Ugh. That will be slightly stressful. Then, Jon and I head home. So! I have the morning to get my workout in! Or, at least, the majority of my workout. I suppose I can do the weights at home later, if need be.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day! Fingers crossed...

Today's Goal: Submit to agents = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: be nice to myself for the weigh-in. Good or bad, I'm looking/feeling better.

Calories Consumed: 1108

Workout: None - recovery day

Tomorrow is Friday! Hopefully it won't be so blisteringly cold!

Day 17 - Decorations and Fear of Success

2009-12-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So today was a good day! I got most of my entire list of "to-do's" out of the way. One of those things included decorating!

I have not been in the holiday spirit for the past few years. After a horribly sad and gut-wrenching break-up with my ex, I've just not had it in me. Each Christmas and Chanukkah comes along with a "meh" from me and while I'm not Bah Humbugging my way through them, I'm certainly not infused with a happy spirit.

This year, something in me has changed. I'm delighted by Christmas! Jon and I had to do laundry so I found a Santa Hat in my small box of decorations and reindeer antlers (with jingle bells!) He put on the Santa hat and I put on the antlers and down to the laundry room we went. Merrily! It was really fun!

Here's a picture of my decorations for this year's Christmakkah!

I also spent a lot of time learning about promoting my voice over demos. I could feel the fear rising in me each time I read more about it and tried to envision how I was going to afford all the postage and all the time and effort it would take! I finally had to force myself to take a big breath and realize that I CAN DO THIS. I just have to remind myself there will be a learning curve. There always is. I'm human.

I don't want to be afraid of success. I am very proud of the work I did on this demo. I just need to do that little bit extra work to get it out there and in the right hands.

Next step: SUCCESS. At least, that's what I'm envisioning now. :)

Today's Goal: take multi-vitamin and cardio 45 minutes = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Submit to agents.

(Technically it should be a recovery day but I may get a workout in)

Calories Consumed - 991

Workout:

Cardio:

45 minutes (run/jog, invisible jump rope)

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (each side)

4 rounds of Pilates 100's

100 regular squats (10 lbs)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)

100 plie squats (10 lbs)

100 pulsed plie squats (10 lbs)

* I think in a week or two I am going to have to step up to 12 lbs!

Day 16 - To-do Lists and Alone Time

2009-12-08T20:04:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

So today was a very productive day! My workouts were great, I met my goals and I covered my to-do list. All in all a great productive day!

To-do lists. I always put WAY too much on my lists and, thus, never feel fully accomplished even when I get a majority of it finished. I'm taking a tip from my friend, Becky, who has been posting lists each day of things to accomplish.

She learned: "a person can only really do about 6 things in any given day and do them well. Any more than that and you are overloaded. Often just those 6 things can have multiple steps that have to be completed before they are considered done."

I like that.

So I'm limiting my already busy life to only 6 things on my To-do list. Today, I accomplished 5 out of 6. And I feel really great about that!

It's about finding the little successes in life. I know I tend to say to myself that I haven't done enough. I should push harder, work harder. Well, then life just sucks all the time. Seriously. Without a few successes along the way life just feels like a big ball of crap that I have to keep rolling up the hill. It, inevitably, rolls back down and I have to start pushing again.

It's not really living.

I have also become to cherish my alone time. I used to be so anxious growing up that people didn't love me and would forget about me. I feel so much more fulfilled and my anxiety about those things are less. I really love spending time with me, these days. I'm pretty cool. And this blog has helped to make me focus on me and what I am doing positively in my life. That's a wonderful change from where I was even 2 years ago!

Tomorrow's Goal: take my multi-vitamin, do 45 minutes of cardio

Today's Goal: take multi-vitamin = SUCCESS

add push-ups to strength routine = SUCCESS

Calories Consumed: 901

Workout:

Cardio:

45 minutes (jogging)

3 minutes (warm up)

5 minutes (cool down/stretch)

Strength Training:

100 push-ups

100 biceps curls (10 lbs)

100 back rows (15 lbs)

100 triceps curls (1o lbs)

100 shoulder press (1o lbs)

100 chest flies (10 lbs)

Day 15 - Vitamins and Vegetables

2009-12-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

Monday, December 7, 2009

So, today I realized I had been neglecting taking my multi-vitamin everyday. I am fairly convinced it's why I've been so exhausted lately. Well, I could easily have been fighting something off, also. But I'm going to try and make that a daily goal, as well.

I've found certain vegetables and how they are prepared can be incredibly filling! Jon Wolter made us a veggie casserole with ricotta cheese and all-natural marinara to "hold it together". He made so much of it, I've been eating it for days. And we still have some left! He also made a fantastic zucchini soup (using vegetable broth, low-sodium - and onions). It's fantastic. A 1/2 of a teaspoon of reduced fat sour cream added to the bowl and it needs no other flavoring. Amazing!

This evening we went to see the florist for the wedding. It was AWESOME! I'm so excited for the flowers. Our florist is going to do an AMAZING job and the room will be gorgeous. :)

I'm furiously trying to make a few presents for my family for Christmas/Chanukkah. They are things I've had that I've neglected to make for years. So, why not make them now? :)

I ended up not doing my cardio today. I'm not sure what happened. The day got away from me a little, I think. But, I'm not going to beat myself up. I'll just pick up where I left off tomorrow.

Today's Goal: Add something to my abs routine = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Take multi-vitamin; add push-ups to strength routine

Calories Consumed: 859

Workout:

Cardio: None

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (each side)

4 rounds of Pilates 100's

100 regular squats (10 lbs)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)

100 plie squats (1o lbs)

100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs)

Day 14 - Cleanliness and Mood

2009-12-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

Sunday, December 6, 2009

So today was a whirlwind day. Jon and I slept in a bit later than usual ('til 10am). He had the daunting task of cleaning our apartment and the animal hutches today. I had the daunting task of working out before my rehearsal for the film. (!!!)

I got right to it. 2 episodes of HOUSE on DVD got me through almost the entire thing. Then it was shower and get ready to go. My sister-in-law was visiting last night and she'd never seen our tiny apartment before. I wanted to show it to her in the best "light" possible. Hence, the cleaning frenzy. :)

Rehearsal was great. I had a fantastic time and my band members/fellow actors are pretty awesome. I always love going over to the director's home to rehearse. He and his wife have the most amazing personalities and they always make everyone feel welcome and at home. They live in this amazing loft. It's such a neat place. I would KILL to have that kind of space. :)

By the time I got home, Jon had done an incredible amount of work on the apartment. It looked awesome! I was actually HAPPY to be in this apartment. To be home. That perked my mood up immensely!

When my sister-in-law arrived she was amazed that Jon and I live here. Full-time. The fact that there is really no space and we've utilized every single corner, nook, and cranny floored her. As Jon put it, "Ali and I are very good at Tetris-ing our lives". And it's true.

There's definitely things we can do to organize and clean even more, but I'm feeling pretty great about going to sleep tonight.

Today's Goal (I forgot to set one!)

Tomorrow's Goal: add an extra "something" to my ab routine (Maybe the Pilates 100?)

Calories Consumed: 998

Workout:

Cardio:

3 min warm-up

45 minutes (jog, invisible jump-rope, step-ups)

5 min cool down

Strength Training:

50 back rows (15 lbs each side)

50 biceps curls (10 lbs)

50 triceps curls (10 lbs)

50 shoulder press (10 lbs)

50 chest flies (10 lbs)

Day 13 - Up and Down

2009-12-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 5, 2009

So, today was all over the map. Jon and I had some errands to run so we rolled out of bed and slowly got our day moving. It was ok...just a slow-going day. I forgot my water (that really bummed me out) and didn't plan ahead to take any snacks, so we ended up stopping at a restaurant to have lunch.

While we were there, I was counting calories in my head and figuring out what I could cut/take home, etc.

Jon made a joking comment about "being careful about those calories" on a new low-caloric syrup made from blue agave that I'd never tried and I flipped out. I was so offended that he thought I needed help with my calorie counting! Didn't he know I was watching every morsel, every calorie I was eating? Did he think I needed a policeman watching my every move?!?!?

Well, after many an apology and my grudgingly "letting it go" (I was still upset but not AT him, but I couldn't explain/figure out what had really made me so angry), we finished (and even enjoyed) the rest of our meal and came home.

I worked out last night and got in all my water and Jon made a delicious veggie casserole. We ended up going to sleep really early. I guess we were tired. But I was still thinking about why I was so quick to anger.

I'm still not quite sure, but I think it has to do with a few things:

1) yes, I was "ok" with not having dropped weight this week (even glad I didn't gain) but after all this hard work, I have to acknowledge that I was disappointed that I didn't lose. More disappointed than I even wanted to admit. I was "covering it up" trying to be positive and just let it go, but I've learned that you can't move through something and get on the other side without actually feeling those feelings. And even if I don't plan on feeling them, they will happen. So, yeah. I AM disappointed, dammit.

2) I went to a memorial yesterday. For a beloved teacher. Who was 39 years old. And wonderful. And died of breast cancer. Seriously. It's so not fair. And there is breast cancer all over my family. My aunt just died of it. My mom is a survivor but only had a 2o% chance. My cousin (the daughter of my aunt who just passed away) had it and hers manifested when she was 33. Yeah. I'm 33 now. So, yeah. Fear, concern and all that is getting internalized. And sometimes it needs an outlet, I guess.

3) Calorie counting is tenuous and frustrating. And it's a delicate balance when out to eat and not being able to get what you want because it will end up on your stomach and ruin everything you've worked for. It's often much more of a mental game than anything else. And when someone jumps in and tries to "help" it can be irritating. And it can feel like you're being judged. That's exactly what it felt like to me. Like Jon was watching my every move and "scolding" me for what I was eating. I was pissed.

Now, of course, that wasn't at all what Jon was trying to do, but I had a hard time believing him. I was already feeling down for a number of reasons (as I stated), so that just pushed me over the edge.

We figured it out, and I feel better acknowledging that I was sad and disappointed and just feeling judged and down. So, now I have to look forward and realize that the day wasn't a total bust. I did work out and I did drink water and gave it my best. Today, that's where my best was. And that's ok.

Today's Goal: Drink 80 - 100 oz of water. = drank 80 oz = SUCCESS!

Calories Consumed: 1250 (approximately)

Workout:

Cardio: 45 minutes

(jogging, invisible jump rope, step-ups, dead leg lifts)

Strength Training:

100 regular crunches

100 reverse crunches

100 oblique crunches (both sides)

100 regular squats (10 lbs)

100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs)

100 plie squats (10 lbs)

100 plie pulsed squats) (10 lbs)

Day 12 - Weigh-in week 2 and acceptance

2009-12-05T06:31:00.000-08:00

Friday December 4, 2009

So today was a weigh-in day! I did my morning weigh-in and... (drum roll please!)

I LOST NO WEIGHT! Yay!!!!!

Huh? I'm happy about this? Actually, I am. Week 2 is often a discouraging week. A big weight loss on week 1 can set up ridiculous expectations for Week 2. (I know my weight loss in week one was only 1.8 pounds, but that was a LOT for me).

Here's the success of this story... I didn't gain! Not an ounce! THIS is good news. It's common for that to happen. And considering I'd had a few struggles this week with feeling run-down and trying to keep the balance, I'm actually pleased by this. No gain in week 2!

Today played out rather bizarrely. I woke up early, (and thanks to my listening to my body and taking the recovery day yesterday I actually FELT better and ready to get up) and did my workout immediately.

Then I got dressed and went to a memorial for a beloved teacher, Kristin Spangler who passed away from breast cancer only a few weeks ago. I'm surrounded by this awful disease. Too many family members have been diagnosed. Too many friends and family have died from it. It sickens me.

The memorial was beautiful and appropriate and I was pleased to have been there to honor such an extraordinary woman. She had "magic hands". (She taught us the Alexander Technique and lived it in her day to day life. Amazing).

My friend, Alexis, and I found ourselves remembering her and laughing about crazy school moments on the drive back. I realized I hadn't eaten since 9am and it was now 2:30pm. To remedy it, we went to the Chicago Diner (amazing vegan/vegetarian options). I chose as wisely as I could and, yes, had them wrap 1/2 of it to take home. Which was good because I really could have eaten the entire plate! But now I have breakfast for tomorrow.

Then I came home and changed clothes AGAIN for Jon's company holiday party. It was at the Chicago Yacht Club. This was a fun night. I indulged in 1/2 a drink and was forced to eat what they served (a really awful barbeque sauced salmon...um, YUCK!). But I was careful and took small portions of everything (like I did at Thanksgiving). I probably over-estimated the calories in the dinner, but better to over-estimate than under-estimate, right?

Then I came home. I planned to work on a few Chanukah and Christmas gifts, but I was exhausted. So, bedtime!

Did NOT get my 80 - 100 oz of water in today. It was rough with all the running around and lack of bathrooms. I will remedy that tomorrow.

Tomorrow's goal: drink 80 - 100 oz of water!

Calories Consumed: 1250 (approximately)

Workout: Cardio:

42 min (jogging, step-ups), 5 min warm-up/stretch,

Strength Training:

50 back rows (15 lbs each side);

50 biceps curls (10 lbs);

50 triceps curls (1o lbs);

50 shoulder press (10 lbs);

50 chest flies (10 lbs)

Day 11 - Uneasy and the Dreaded Week 2

2009-12-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 3rd

So today I am totally exhausted! I thought I was tired yesterday. I was wrong. I can only imagine that my wonderful body is fighting off something. I have no real reason to be this exhausted so I will appreciate what my body is telling me and take today as my recovery day.

This scares me.

I HATE taking a recovery day. I feel like I'm "slacking off" or "falling into a bad habit". Now, I know it's necessary to take 1 day off a week. I know it's bad for my body and the weight loss to NOT take a day off. Yet, I can't get that stupid voice out of my head saying, "Don't be lazy, Ali. You should be working out right now. Come on, it's not that bad. You're not that tired! You barely did anything yesterday. You're pathetic". And so on.

So I'm trying to tell that voice to shut the hell up.

This is a constant battle with sleep, as well. When I was in school I kept telling myself that sleep was for the weak. The more I stayed up and studied the better I would be. I could be "the best that I could be" which, of course, was still never good enough for me. I was never satisfied with myself and my accomplishments.

Well, here I am. Feeling the same way with the same uneasy energy. So I'm changing my behavior. I'm going to tell myself that I deserve a day off. I need a day off. And I am WORTHY of a day off.

Me: Self?

Self: Yeah?

Me: I'm taking my recovery day today.

Self: Really?

Me: Yes. I get one recovery day a week and I need it today. So I'm taking it.

Self: Think that's such a good idea?

Me: Yes. Yes I do.

Self: Well, if that's what you think you should do...

Me: Yes. It is. I am worthy of this day off.

Self: Well, Me, I think you're right.

Me: Um, you do??

Self: Yes, Me. You've been working your butt off. There's no rule that says you should take your recovery day on a weekend or anything else. I know you. I trust you. You made sure the rest of the week was laid out in a way so you could take today off. So go for it. I support you, Me.

Me: Wow! Thanks Self. I feel so supported!

Self: Anytime, Me. Anytime.

Considering tomorrow is a weigh-in day this was definitely a risky choice. Also, this is the dreaded WEEK 2! Notoriously week 2 of a workout plan can be brutal. Often people lose very little (after a large loss the week before), or they stay the same or even gain! It can be very demoralizing. But, as we all know, the scale is not the only measure of success. In fact, I did some costume hunting yesterday for the film and I am consistently in a size smaller! So regardless of what the scale says, my body is shrinking!

Also, I have muscle definition in my arms! It's so cool to look at them! I love feeling the muscle and I can't wait until they get more defined! Yay!

Today's Goal: well it was to stretch after my work out... so I guess that's not yet a success

Tomorrow's Goal: Workout - (and then stretch!)

Calories Consumed: 870 (I know it's low. Remember I didn't burn any off today, though)

Workout: NONE - recovery day

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day.

First: Weigh-in!

Second: I have a memorial for my beloved teacher, Kristin Spangler who passed away from breast cancer. :( I plan to work out before this so I am not bursting into tears while trying to do invisible jump rope!

Third: Jon's company has their holiday party, so temptations will be at a high...

Lots of challenges tomorrow, but I'm up for it.

Day 10 - Tired and letting go

2009-12-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

So today I was tired! Really tired. I had a tough time dragging myself out of bed and getting moving today. I had a few errands to run and I just felt run-down most of the day.

By the time Wolter had gotten home I was only 25 push-ups into my workout and I couldn't even conceive doing more at that point.

I'm hoping I'm not coming down with anything. It doesn't help that we sleep on a futon mattress. It's definitely NOT the most comfortable mattress in the world. Not to mention our living quarters are about as small as two people could semi-comfortably live! :) But it's home, for now.

Working out in a studio apartment is quite a feat with a fiance, a dog, a chinchilla, and a rabbit all watching you. When I first started working out about a year ago, I told Jon he had to leave the apartment, since we didn't really have a door/other room. He would go for a walk or go to the 2nd floor to read. Finally, he opted to take a bath and read in the bathroom. It got tiresome for both of us. I hated "kicking him out of the room" and he felt put-out being made to leave the room, (even though he was always super-supportive and would do it anyway).

My only solution was to just get over it. Let it go. One of my issues has always been worrying how I look to others. I'm self-conscious and don't want to be judged, especially by people who know me, or whose opinions I trust. But I realized I was not going to be able to dictate Jon's schedule and there would be an over-lap when I wanted to work out. So, to be fair, I explained my concerns about "being watched" and "being judged" and asked for him to promise to not make comments regarding my workouts when he was in the room.

He agreed and, so far, it's been working great! Since we tend to watch the same shows, (an inevitability with only one TV that the entire apartment can hear) I can work out and watch the shows with him in the room. I get to accomplish spending the same time we would spend watching a show with him and STILL get in my work out. Win/win!

Today's Goal was: get in 30 min of cardio = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: stretch after my workout (I've been sporadically stretching and I KNOW that's bad!)

Calories Consumed: 1270

Workout: 100 push-ups, 100 regular crunches, 100 reverse crunches, 100 oblique crunches (each side), 100 regular squats (10 lbs weights), 100 regular pulsed squats (10 lbs weights), 100 plie squats (10 lbs weights), 100 pulsed plie squats (10 lbs weights), Cardio: 30 min

Day 9 - Help and Inspiration

2009-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

So today started out great! I got to have breakfast with a few high school friends and their significant others (and kid!) It was wonderful to see them! We caught up on what we were up to and, interestingly, I noticed a few things.

Everyone has been through shit:

As we went around the table I realized that my crazy "soap opera" story of how Jon and I met/got together/got accused of cheating/ etc. was par for the course. Every one had been through struggles and bad situations. No one's was "worse" than anyone else's and, funny enough, we all felt just as badly for each other.

Everyone has had success:

As much as we've all shown our scars, we've all experienced happiness! That was truly inspiring. Even through the crazy stuff, we've all survived and soldiered on. It was a beautiful thing to look around the table and realize I was happy! And by being happy I was relaxed and enjoying myself.

Everyone has dreams that never came true:

We've all come from the same place (our high school) where we were touted as the future of the arts. We had drive, ambition, high hopes, energy and endurance. We all thought if we worked hard enough, met the right people, put ourselves in the right place, we'd be "successful", or our idea of successful. It's amazing to see that all that still lies there, sometimes beneath, sometimes on the surface, but it's shifted. We all STILL have that same fire in our bellies, but maybe our dreams changed! And THAT'S OK! We're finding our path in a different way. AND THAT'S OK!

Everyone has an open and generous heart:

If I learned anything walking away from that breakfast, I realized that I know some amazing people in my life. These women are only the tip of the iceberg on the mountain of friends I know are in my court. I'm wealthy with love. And I know that I give it right back. The biggest impression these ladies made on me was realizing that, above all, I love their hearts and their souls. And I was lucky to sit in their presence and share in that love. Sounds corny, right? Well, yeah, maybe. Either way, I felt beautiful. And they were beautiful to me. And we were all glowing from the inside. That was pretty damned special. :)

On a food note, I was a little nervous about what to eat. I mean, essentially, restaurants are notorious for feeding people 3 servings PER PERSON. Sometimes more. I knew that I was going to have to decide to take home my food even before I ordered it.

And that's what I did.

I chose slightly more unhealthy than I would have at home, but nothing horrible. And considering I was eating smaller portions, I was proud of myself in my choices.

I ended up eating the 2nd serving for lunch and I now have that last serving for breakfast tomorrow!

Tonight was The Biggest Loser episode. I spent it working out and watching. It was a great episode. It reminded me of something.

I have a lot of trouble asking for help.

I think it stems from my not wanting to be a burden or seem weak. Seeming weak and/or lazy is a HUGE issue with me. Now, honestly, I don't know where the issue originated. Maybe someone called me that when I was really young, or I know how I judge people who I feel aren't making an effort. (I'm working on that judging thing too!) But, regardless, I never want to seem unable to handle things. Whatever that means. So...asking for help can be one of those things. Weakness. ICK.

However, I noted that I have publicly posted this blog! I've sent emails about it to people. I have, ASKED FOR HELP in supporting me on this journey!

Here's the amazing thing:

PEOPLE HAVE COME THROUGH!

I've gotten emails and facebook messages from you! You've been so helpful and wonderful and supportive! You've even told me it's inspiring! It's kept me going! HONEST! :)

So thank you!

Lesson learned: Asking for help isn't always seen as weak! :)

That makes me happy!

Today's Goal: Make a healthy choice at the mini-reunion = SUCCESS!

Tomorrow's Goal: Get at least 30 min. of cardio in (plus my weights)

Calories Consumed: 1068

Workout: 33 minutes of cardio (jogging/invisible jump rope), 75 back rows (15 lbs), 75 bicep curls (10 lbs), 75 tricep curls (10 lbs), 75 shoulder press (10 lbs), 75 chest flies (10 lbs)

AND: I've had 100 oz of water!!! Woo hoo!

Day 8 - Emotions and choices

2009-12-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

So today should have been a completely productive day, food and workout wise. And, for the most part, it was!

I did drink 80 oz of water (and I was proud of myself for that!). I did get weights in and I did get some cardio in (yay). Food went ok, although I think I ended up eating less calories than I intended. Not a terrible thing, but I don't want my body to go into starvation mode because I'm "afraid" to eat something.

What was on my mind today was more emotional and past baggage. One of my recurring issues is my inability to, sometimes, let go of the past. I find myself dwelling on things I could have/should have done better. Trying to figure out how to make amends with people who, frankly, don't want my amends. I would find myself making amends to people who didn't even deserve them. Just so they "wouldn't hate me". I was/am often upset by people who "don't like me". However, recently, I've realized that it's only the people I knew/know or whom I can't understand their logic of why they don't like me.

Example: I get when you break up with someone or they break up with you there's bad blood/tension. It's understood. Might be there for some time. But after a few years and new relationships and you're happy and they're happy and life is different, really? Are you REALLY still holding that grudge?

In my case I have 3 ex's that just won't talk to me. At all. Won't be facebook friends, won't communicate, etc. And, frankly, I know it's not the end of the world. But, especially in the case of two of them, they're both happily married and doing their thing (one of them has a kid now, I believe), so what's the problem? I'm OBVIOUSLY not a threat. So what's the harm in remembering/reconnecting with someone you had a very intimate relationship with?

The third one I get. His problem, while I don't agree with it, makes more sense. It was the most recent (2006), and we were engaged.

But more than anything, I just don't do well with crap hanging over me. I feel bogged down by it. I'm not sure where the problem within me lies, but I hate these "loose ends". The idea that there could be something like closure, (although I do believe it's a myth) is a concept I chase around like a cat chases string.

Why?

Why is the physical closure so important to me? Why do I need there to be "peace"? Why does their opinion of me or their lies or their impression of me make me want to prove to them and everyone they've told, "I'm good! I swear! I'm not a bad person! Believe me!"?

I guess that's where the strength of who I am and what I'm trying to accomplish here is all about. By taking this time for ME I'm telling myself that "I AM WORTH IT". And as cheesy/cornball as it sounds, I believe I need to KNOW that. Too many times in my abused past have I believed the opposite. Being the victim, the martyr, the "survivor by any means" is what I thought defined and shaped me.

So, even though I feel like I could have done MORE today, I'm glad I did what I did. I made choices FOR ME. For my health. For my well-being and happiness.

Life is like flying on a plane with altitude problems. When that oxygen mask comes down you put yours on FIRST before helping others.

Putting me first. Hard to do. But I'm doing it.

Tomorrow's goal: Make a healthy choice at mini-reunion breakfast!

Calories Consumed: 951

Workout: 17 min intense cardio (2-3 min rounds), 100 push ups, 100 regular crunches, 100 obliques (each side), 100 reverse crunches, 100 regular squats (10 lbs weights), 100 regular pulsed squats (10 lb weights), 100 plie squats (1o lbs weights), 100 plie pulsed squats (10 lbs weights)

Day 7 - Blech and Fun

2009-11-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

So today started out pretty awful. My cramps were at an all-time high of PAINFUL and I was barely able to drag myself out of bed to start any sort of work out.

I knew I had to be mindful today since Jon and I were going to see the opening night performance of this year's A Christmas Carol at The Goodman Theatre. I was really looking forward to it, but there was going to be an after party (which we were also invited to) with free-flowing wine and beer and free food. Free FONDUE food. Ummm....have I actually mentioned how much I love cheese? No? I. Love. Cheese. All kinds of cheese. Fondue is like a gift of love sent to me in little pots of warmth.

How in the world was I going to manage to stay away from THAT?

Well, technically I did. I indulged in one glass of white wine. That was it. I ate some fresh veggies (supposed to be used for the dipping in the CHEESE) and 2 medium shrimps that were being passed. That was it! I was very careful.

However, when I got home, I was STARVING! This is where the problems came in. We'd eaten lunch at about 1pm and I had a very very light snack before we walked out the door at 5pm. By the time the show was finished and we were at the party and I was avoiding all the food, I really needed to eat a dinner. So at 11:30pm, that's what I did! I had a good meal but wasn't satisfied. So I ended up eating a bit more of a snack (green apple and peanut butter mixed with raw honey). Wow that was incredibly good but it put me a bit over my calories.

However, I remind myself that even though I was over my calories, I still did MUCH better than I could have avoiding those pots of love...er...cheese at the party.

I also did not get in any cardio but I did do weights. AND I graduated to doing 1/2 the reps with a higher weight!

Tomorrow's Goal: Drink my 80 oz of water, get in cardio and weights

Calories consumed: 1301

Workout: 50 rows (15 lbs), 50 biceps curls (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 triceps curls (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 shoulder press (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25), 50 chest flies (10 lbs for 25/ 8 lbs for 25)

Day 6 - Best Laid Plans

2009-11-28T21:01:00.000-08:00

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Today started off with a bang. I was planning out my exercise and my food because I knew I'd be away from the house for a while and didn't want to get caught eating something unplanned.

How I thought my day would go:

1. Get up early and do 10 min. Cardio 2 (plus warm-up / cool-down) = 20 min.

2. Shower and dress for the day (I had the first table read for the film so I wanted to look nice/appropriate)

3. Get my food together for the day

4. Take Sparky to the vet for a quick vaccination

5. Drop off Wolter and head to rehearsal

6. Be at least 50% of the way through my water in-take by the time rehearsal starts

7. Have a great rehearsal and meet Wolter so we could head to Mom's to help her with her holiday list

8. Get home in time for another round of cardio (this time, Cardio 1 - 20 min with 5 min warm up, 5 min cool down)

9. Have a healthy dinner (courtesy of Wolter)

10. Do laundry!

11. Knock out another round of circuit weights (the 50's with bi's, tri's, back, shoulder, chest) at 10 lb weights.

12. Make sure I've completed my 100 oz of water

13. Log my food and write a fantastic blog about my great day!

HA!

Yeah, today did not go as originally planned.

Here's what REALLY happened:

1. Get up early and do 10 min. Cardio 2 (plus warm-up / cool-down) = 20 min.
Actually this went quite well! I got up early. Did the cardio and was happy I got that done. Day was looking good! = Win!

2. Shower and dress for the day (I had the first table read for the film so I wanted to look nice/appropriate)
I did, finally, get my butt in the shower (although I dawdled more than I'd planned) and was somewhat rushed in getting dressed. Plus, today was one of those days where everything looked icky on my body and I just wasn't feeling pretty.
= Win-sort of

3. Get my food together for the day
This was a bit rushed too. But I did manage to pack a good amount of food. Plus, I know the director and his wife are amazing and would have healthy options (and quite a spread) for us at the table-read. = Win-sort of

4. Take Sparky to the vet for a quick vaccination
Quicker than I'd imagined and he even got his nails clipped! = Win!

5. Drop off Wolter and head to rehearsal
Done and done! = Win!

6. Be at least 50% of the way through my water in-take by the time rehearsal starts
I was barely through 20 oz when rehearsal started. Plus, I'd been so early getting to rehearsal i went and hung out at a coffee shop and got a tea. So I was full of chai tea and there was just not enough room for chugging water at that point! I was feeling like my day was starting to unravel just a bit. Plus, I knew we'd be in the middle of reading through a script! It wasn't like I could pop up and go to the bathroom whenever I chose. I just figured I'd make it up later. = Possible Fail

7. Have a great rehearsal and meet Wolter so we could head to Mom's to help her with her holiday list
Had a GREAT rehearsal! Hooked up with Wolter at Mom's and began the holiday list = Win!

8. Get home in time for another round of cardio (this time, Cardio 1 - 20 min with 5 min warm up, 5 min cool down)
And here is where everything fell apart. Mom's awesome computer and the printer were not cooperating. Jon and I worked for nearly 4 hours trying to make this thing print envelopes and not make everything look like crap. I was getting testy. Jon was getting punchy. It was not going well. Mom offered to make dinner... = Fail

9. Have a healthy dinner (courtesy of Wolter)
Yeah...well...mom had taken my food issues in to consideration (which was incredibly nice of her) and I had a fairly healthy meal. However, because I was overwhelmed with how long this project was taking, my schedule was getting messed up. I was feeling defeated and frustrated because I was hungry but not for what I was "supposed to eat". That was frustrating, but, honestly, I couldn't see what it was I thought I wanted to eat. I didn't eat anything technically bad for me, but I was noting how much I all of a sudden really wanted a piece of chocolate. Or a pinwheel cookie. All because of frustration... = moderate Fail

10. Do laundry!
This was SO not happening! = Epic Fail

11. Knock out another round of circuit weights (the 50's with bi's, tri's, back, shoulder, chest) at 10 lb weights.
At this point this has yet to happen. And, honestly, it really may not happen. I'm so tired. By the time I got home it was 11:00pm! I don't know if I have the strength to finish this blog and proofread it, let alone do the weights! = Fail

12. Make sure I've completed my 100 oz of water
This did not happen. I don't even think I got close. MAYBE 50%? I mean, I'm not asleep yet. There's still time... = Fail

13. Log my food and write a fantastic blog about my great day!
At this point I want to shoot my morning self in the face for all the perkiness it had and yell obscenities at the world due to my frustration. Yeah, it's not been a stellar day. But I DID log my food, so far, and I AM writing about my...er...day. So = Fail/Win

Here's what I'm taking away from today:

I can't control everything. I know I want to. I want all my best laid plans to work when I want them to. It isn't going to happen. So, all I can do is prepare for things as I imagine them and improvise when I don't. I really did the best I could today, given the circumstances. I am irritable and cranky, well, probably because I have terrible cramps right now. Plus the frustration level at a computer that just won't communicate properly with a printer has made even the best office employee want to take a Louisville slugger to a machine now and then. It also doesn't help that my mom got a call in the middle of everything that a dear friend's son committed suicide. So she was emotional and that can kick the anxiety level up a notch, too.

Every day is a struggle. Sometimes it's a simple struggle to not be tempted by food. Sometimes it's a full-day of feeling completely behind the 8-ball.

Tomorrow is another day. I will get up and try it all again.

I can feel proud that my choices were the best they could be given my circumstances. I can't necessarily say that they would have been this good even 2 weeks ago. That's saying something. I'm human. I forget that fact once in a while.

Goal tomorrow was supposed to be Recovery day for exercise. However, depending on how I'm feeling, I may try to bust out those weights and get that moving.

Calories consumed: 751 (yes, I know, but I'm planning on having something more to eat in a bit)

Workout: Cardio 2 (10 min), warm-up (5 min), yoga/cool-down (5 min)

Day 5 - Weigh-in #1 and Surprises

2009-11-27T21:48:00.001-08:00

Friday, November 27, 2009

I was determined NOT to make this a "Black Friday" for me, in terms of weight-loss! I've been busting it out and, well, here are the results!

1.8 lbs down!

WOO HOO! I, FINALLY, BROKE THROUGH MY PLATEAU!!!!!

I was so excited when I saw the number I nearly bent down and KISSED the scale. Actually, I didn't "believe" the number at first. I moved the scale around my bathroom to a few different places thinking maybe it wasn't calibrating correctly. But, there it was! Down to a different number! Oh joy of joys! Now, if all the weeks could be this good, I'll be THRILLED! :)

Surprises:
So, as in all movie-life, schedules change. And my challenge has just gotten a bit harder...instead of a beginning start date of shooting on January 17, 2010, I am now scheduled for my first day of shooting to begin on January 10, 2010. Um...yeah. I just lost a whole week. Gulp! But I still think I can do it!

I cannot tell you how encouraging you've all been to me. Thank you for your kind words and your continued support! It really really really goes a LOOOONG way! I promise.

Jon and I went out and bought some 10 pound weights. The 8 lbs are getting a little light for me in some of the weight-training exercises! ;) Love graduating up. I feel like an athlete, or a rock star, or some other really awesome person you wanted to be when you grew up. :) Is that what I'm doing? Am I finally growing up? Awww! Just when I started feeling so young!

Calories consumed: 1121

Workout: Cardio DVD, warm-up (5 min), Cardio 1 (20 min / 3 lb and 5 lb weights added), cool-down/yoga (5 min). Today was a "lighter" day for me in terms of workout. I didn't do traditional weights, although my cardio DVD has a bit of weight-training in it.

Tomorrow's Goal: Drink 100 oz of water. I think I fell below my water goal today. I wasn't as vigilant as I'd been in the past few days. I didn't plan well enough and found myself out and about and without water. I guess I should realize if I haven't been to the bathroom in over 2 hours, I'm definitely not drinking enough water! ;)

My Mood: Today I was in a fairly good mood. I had moments of irritability due to not expressing my hurt and "shutting down", but I think I'm beginning to recognize when I do that. It's just REALLY hard to be vulnerable and say, "wow that actually hurt my feelings". Or even ask, "Did you mean that to sound that way? Because to me, that sounded hurtful". Process, process, process! :)